


The Missing Piece

by moonbeambucky



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Blood and Violence, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hydra (Marvel), Light Angst, Pregnancy, SHIELD, Smut, The Ten Rings (Marvel), Unplanned Pregnancy, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2018-12-30 09:18:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 33,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12105555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonbeambucky/pseuds/moonbeambucky
Summary: You are a SHIELD Agent working undercover in Belgrade, Serbia when a run in with Bucky Barnes changes your future





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For timeline purposes, the Sokovia/Age of Ultron incident occurred in May 2015 and these events take place a few months after that.

The door creaks open as you impatiently walk into your apartment. “Ughh I swear if Goran grabbed my ass one more time I was going to blow our cover right there!” you huffed.   
“I’m sorry you had to deal with that,” a man replied, as he walks over to you.

“He repulses me,” you said, as you hold up your hair waiting for him to unzip the back of your dress. He pauses for a moment and savors the view of the fabric hugging your curves. “You look beautiful.”

You ignore his comment and go into the bathroom to change. “So what did he tell you?” you asked, speaking louder through the door. The man stands in front of it to answer, “I’m seeing Goran again tomorrow and I  _think_  in a few days he’s taking me to meet Josif. We’re so close Y/N,” he said unable to contain the smile on his face.

You open the door and throw your hands around him. “Matt that’s great news!” He deepens the hug but you pull away, lowering your gaze. He looks at you regretfully and retreats to the other room.

For the past two months you’ve been in Belgrade undercover as Charlotte, the wife of entrepreneur Aleksander Kovac aka your fellow SHIELD Agent Matthew Walker. Your targets are Josif & Marko Petrovic, two brothers with a petty criminal history until recently. After the Sokovia incident they had gotten involved in arms dealing. SHIELD got Intel that the brothers were going to be making a deal with the terrorist group known as The Ten Rings. They had black market Hammer weapons modified with Chitauri technology, and so SHIELD has to stop them. With the premise of looking for new “business partners” you and Matt have been gaining contacts to get closer to the Petrovic’s. While you’ve been playing the part of a loving couple you’ve felt that Matt may want to turn your professional relationship into something more.

Matt is tall and well built, with toffee blond hair and green eyes. He is charming and charismatic, but you resolve to just being his partner and friend. You’ve gotten to know each other well since you’ve been on this assignment.

“Hey Matt…” you hesitantly voiced, “Are you hungry? I’m going to make some pasta.” You hope this breaks the tension built up from the hug. 

“Sure I’ll have some.”

He watches you preparing the food and his eyes catch a light sparkling from your chest. “Damn Y/N, how much did that thing cost SHIELD? I would have bought a nicer watch if I knew they were paying,” he said, referring to the diamond necklace you forgot to take off.

You laughed sarcastically. “Nothing. They bought the dress though, which wasn’t much, but this one is mine.” You paused, “Well it was my mother’s.”

You gently touched the diamond. Your father gave it to your mother after their first date. A bold move you always thought, but your father always said that from the moment his eyes locked with your mother’s he had this unmistakable feeling deep within and knew that she was the one. You sighed and shrugged, physically shaking off your feelings as you fill up a pot with water.

You both ate quickly and discussed the possibility of the mission finally being over.

“I’m looking forward to seeing them,” Matt spoke of his family. “They’ll probably throw a big party. You know you’re coming, right?”

You struggled through a smile as you said yes, choking back the pain you felt when thinking of your family again. Shortly after you were born your mom died. Your father raised you alone and it was tough but you survived everything life threw at you, everything, until cancer came and wrecked it all. You devoted yourself to helping your dad, staying with him for chemo treatments, looking for second, third and fourth opinions, and hoping for a miracle. It had been just over a year since he died. You never truly realized how much time you dedicated to helping him until he was gone, leaving you to feel completely lost.

Since then you put all of your energy into your job. It was hard working for SHIELD, especially while they were trying to rebuild themselves as a trusted organization. You used this as an opportunity to help yourself, working long hours and craving overtime, hoping that would help take your mind off of your feelings of emptiness. Your actions did not go unnoticed. Your superior, Director Singh had promoted you and that’s how you ended up in this assignment.

You liked your coworkers but always felt like you never fit in and so you distanced yourself from them. Fellow agents would always go to The District, a popular bar nearby every Friday and you were always invited to join them but never did.

You knew that if Matt hadn’t been assigned as your partner for this case you probably would never have spoken to him but now he had become your closest, well only, friend and you were thankful for that. He understood how you were coping with the loss of your father; he had isolated in a similar way when his grandmother passed. You spent plenty of nights opening up to each other about everything, your fears in life, in this line of work, the threat of aliens or more so the confirmation that aliens exist since their explosive arrival in New York a few years back.

Matt got up from the table and took the dirty dishes with him to the sink. “That was delicious Charlie,” he said.   
“It’s Charlotte!” you feigned anger, laughing at his nickname for your alias. “And you’re welcome,” you mumbled before plopping stomach first onto the couch.

Matt initially offered to sleep on the couch of your one bedroom apartment during the assignment but you refused, suggesting you take turns. Tonight was not your turn for the couch but you didn’t care, sleep was coming for you fast.

Your face cringed as you heard the rattling of a small container. “You want?” Matt’s voice said above the running faucet. After hearing his loud gulp you realized he was offering you vitamins.

“No. Too tired. I’ll take my stuff tomorrow,” you groaned, already half asleep.   
“You always say that,” Matt laughed. “Good night Y/N.”   
You muffled back to him before passing out.

* * *

“Good morning Mr. Boskovich,” Matt answered the phone. “Yes. Okay. I’ll see you there.”   
“This is it?” you asked.   
“Yeah. If I find out where Josif and Marko are making the deal I’ll contact you. Be ready.”  
“Good luck Matt,” you said, hugging him goodbye.

You began her day with a quick workout and shower, changing into jeans and a short sleeve white shirt. You decided to wear your mother’s necklace hoping it would bring some luck. It was colder than average for late September so you threw on a hoodie.

You ate breakfast while working on your laptop. You emailed Director Singh a coded message, letting them know that Goran Boskovich was hopefully taking Matt to meet Josif and Marko today.  _Be ready._  Matt’s words echoed through your head.

After eating you opened the closet door and took out a black backpack. This was your emergency bag. You placed a few water bottles and protein bars inside the bag, checked for money in the zippered pouch, made sure the flashlights worked and the first aid kit was stocked. You felt around for the emergency phone and Swiss Army knife, and then took out a few handguns. Checking that they were loaded you put back all but one that you kept out on the table. You placed the bag back in the closet but left the door open, just incase you needed to run out quickly.  _Be ready._

Some hours had passed. You were anxious but knew it could take some time for Matt to get any information. You busied yourself around the apartment, going into the bedroom to straighten up clothes that seemed to overtake a chair in the corner when you thought you heard a noise.

You stood still for a few moments before cautiously poking your head past the door frame. Taking a few steps forward into the living room you saw an unfamiliar black duffel bag on the floor.

Suddenly you were grabbed by a strong figure with gloved hands around your waist. You struggled to break free, kicking and thrashing your legs up. You managed to elbow the stranger in the face and run a few steps ahead. It took your attacker a few large strides to catch up to you before he wrapped his left arm tightly around her waist and pulled you close to his chest. You attempt to push his strong arm down, using all your strength to slip out of his grasp, ripping some of his shirt’s fabric in the process. You run towards the gun but you don’t make it. Your right leg is grabbed and you hit the floor with a hard thud.

The man climbs above you locking your arms behind your back. “Where’s Charlie?” he asked. His voice was soft but stern at the same time. You grunted, still struggling to move.   
“I don’t want to hurt you. Just tell me where Charlie is,” he repeated.

He shifts his weight on top of you, grabbing your wrists as your face twists in response to the unfamiliar whirring sound above you. Confused and nervous, your mind is racing for a plan but your thoughts are interrupted by the uncomfortable sting of thick plastic locking your wrists together. The man then binds your legs with another zip tie. He lifts you up on your feet as you struggle for balance.

You are standing before your attacker, eyes downcast at the man’s worn out boots. You sigh deeply before slowly lifting your gaze. His dark black shirt clings to his muscular frame with one sleeve is torn thanks to you. You squint in confusion at the absence of skin, instead seeing a gleam of silver shining through. You look up to see the man’s face. He is unshaven and wearing a dark baseball cap, the brim casting a shadow over his features.

You studied his face and had a striking realization.   
“Sergeant Barnes?” 


	2. Chapter 2

After seeing his face and the metallic shine coming from his arm there was no mistaking who this was. He looked at you wide eyed and scared. “Tell me where Charlie is!” he yelled.

You heard the desperation in his voice. “It’s okay Sergeant Barnes. I’m right here. I’m Charlie.”   
He furrowed his brows.   
“My name is Charlie, err, Charlotte but ughh, no, look, I’m an Agent of SHIELD,” you stammered awkwardly.   
His body tensed up catching your attention. “It’s okay, I, I’m just SHIELD, I’m not…” you paused.

You didn’t want to say the name out loud. You were fairly new at SHIELD when Hydra resurfaced from within. After the Battle at the Triskelion everyone learned the truth about Hydra, Alexander Pierce, and the story of the Winter Soldier. Despite the insistence from Captain Rogers, James “Bucky” Barnes was a wanted man according to SHIELD, but you never saw him as a criminal, terrorist, or whatever they deemed him. You trusted Steve Rogers  _(he was Captain America after all)_  and the dedication he had to his best friend. You knew that the man before you was a victim of Hydra and you hoped to get through to him.

Bucky pushed you backwards until the back of your knees hit the couch, wobbling you fell down onto it and sat up as Bucky stood above you. Although he was silent you could practically hear the thoughts and questions he had running through his head.

“You can trust me,” you said, trying to ease his active mind.   
“Where’s your partner? The blond man?”   
“Out on assignment.”   
“Where?” Bucky demanded.

You knew you had to open up to him, especially if you wanted him to trust you. “Alright, my real name is Y/N Y/L/N. My partner Agent Walker and I have been working undercover. We’re going after Josif & Marko Petrovic. Have you heard of them?”

Bucky didn’t answer but continued to stare at you cautiously.

“Well they’re about to get involved with a bad group. Hydra level bad,” you said.   
Bucky’s expression dropped and he sunk to the couch. “Y-you’re not here for me?” he timidly asked.   
“No. SHIELD has no idea that you’re here,” you said, twisting your tied up body as best as you could to face him.

Bucky slumped forward, wiping his face as he sighed. He turned to face you but your necklace caught his eye and without thinking he was reaching out to grab it for a closer look.   
“Please don’t!” you cried, leaning away from him.  
“S-sorry.”   
“It was my mother’s. Take anything you want but not this, please. Untie me and go. No one needs to know about this,” you pleaded. Your comment made him uneasy.

Bucky looked into your steady eyes, losing himself in them he found his edge was faltering. He looked down at your lips, perfectly pink and curved into a tender smile. Bucky wanted to let go and trust you. He wanted a friend, he  _needed_  a friend, but he stopped himself.

“Why should I believe you?” he questioned.   
“Steve Rogers believes in you without hesitation. That’s all I need.” You inched closer to him, “Bucky.”

He looked up at the sound of his nickname. You stared into his sad blue eyes. “You’re a hero… a Howling Commando!” you gushed. “Bucky Barnes is not the person responsible for what happened. You shouldn’t be punished for what the Winter Soldier was forced to do.”

“You really think that?” he asked. You nodded. “That’s a nice thought doll but you’re dreaming if you think SHIELD would just let me go,” he snapped back.

Bucky gets up from the couch and looks around the apartment. “When is your partner due back?” Bucky asked.   
“I’m not sure.”   
He gives you a questioning look.  
“He’s hopefully meeting with our targets today. I’m on standby,” you continued.

He heads towards the kitchen but first grabs the gun from the table. You watch as he places it out of reach on top of the refrigerator. He opens the kitchen cabinets and starts taking out food, some canned goods and snacks.

“What are you doing?” you asked.

Bucky doesn’t answer but continues to gather food. When he’s done he walks over to you and stands you up. Grabbing you by the waist, he lifts you over his shoulders as he carries you into the bathroom.   
“What the hell are you doing?” you cried. He places you on the vanity counter and shuts the door.   
“I need to shower,” he said.  
“And I’m here because…” your voice trailed off.   
“I don’t trust you out there… alone,” he replied. You sighed.

He pushed the shower curtain aside and turned on the hot water. Your disappointment faded away as you’re hypnotized by Bucky’s actions. He took his hat off and then his gloves revealing the metal hand he kept hidden.

With his back towards you he removed his shirt and you found yourself captivated by his body, unable to look away. You slowly bite your bottom lip as you gazed upon his muscular back. He turned to the side where you got a better view of his metal arm, your lustful feelings turned sorrowful in an instant.

His skin was scarred where metal and flesh angrily met. It was red and looked painful even after all these years. Bucky’s eyes caught yours and it made you feel guilty for staring. He continued to undress and so you turned your head down and away from him. Bucky smirked as he saw you respectfully looking at the wall.

You heard the sound of the curtain close and looked ahead. The clear stripe along the top of the shower curtain allowed you to see his face. You watched him stand there letting the hot water envelope his body.

He shampooed his hair twice, and took a few deep whiffs of the apricot scented conditioner before using it. Your smile was bittersweet as you watched him enjoy the simple pleasure of smelling a nice fragrance yet you wondered when and where he got his last shower from. He didn’t smell but it was obvious he was dirty.

You were lost in thought, brought back to reality when you felt your cheeks uncomfortably heat up. The steam from the shower had fogged up the bathroom. You huffed and squirmed on the countertop, now regretting your choice to wear a hoodie.

His arm reached out from the tub, the metal plates shifted as he grabbed a towel off the rack. He stepped out, dripping wet as he secured the wrapped towel around his waist. You stared at him, his broad chest and defined abs, and didn’t realize you were holding your breath. He combed his fingers through his long dark hair and rang out the dripping ends onto the bath mat below.

Bucky left the room and came back in a few minutes, fully dressed in the clothes he was previously wearing. He grabbed you again, you felt a slight dampness through his shirt as he wasn’t fully dry.

He gently put you down in a chair at the kitchen table and turned towards the fridge. You wiggled in the chair, still uncomfortably hot with the hoodie on.

Bucky took out bread and packaged deli meats, “Do you want?” he asked you, holding up the items.   
“No,” you snapped. You caught your rudeness, “No thank you.” He began making his sandwich.

“How long have you been in Belgrade?” you asked.  
“A f-few months,” he hesitantly answered.   
You silently nodded, not knowing how else to respond.

“I saw your partner… down in the city last month. I knew he wasn’t a businessman or whatever he’s pretending to be. He stuck out right away. I knew he worked for someone but I wasn’t sure who,” Bucky explained.   
“Really?”  You were shocked. “But we’re undercover. What gave us away?” you questioned.   
“ _Him_  away,” Bucky corrected you.   
“What?”   
“It gave him away, not you. He was overconfident. It didn’t seem right. I thought you were a mark or something; just a beautiful girl he was using to legitimize his cover.” You smiled.   
“I’ve been shadowing him to figure out who he worked for. I got close enough to hear him mention Charlie a few times. I thought I was being sloppy because I never saw him with another agent,” Bucky continued.   
“Not sloppy, just sexist,” you retorted.   
He lowered his eyebrows. “Sorry,” he sighed.

He took a large bite of his sandwich and finished it quickly causing you to wonder how often he ate.  
“Now what? Are you staying here?” you asked.  
“No. You’re SHIELD and even if you believe in me,” his voice cracked on those last words, “they don’t. I can’t have them find me. Gotta move again.” He inhaled deeply.   
“Hey Bucky, take what you need. More food, clothes maybe?”

Bucky gave you an endearing smile and you reciprocated. He grabbed his duffel bag from under the window he entered and rummaged through the apartment, filling it with the food he took out earlier, toilet paper and some towels. He went through the dresser in the bedroom until he found some of Matt’s clothing and took what he needed.

Bucky froze when he heard a phone ringing. You called to him, “Bucky that’s my phone.”   
You tried to stand up but lost your balance, falling back into the chair. “Bucky who’s calling? Please, I need the phone. It could be Matt,” you cried with urgency.

His hesitation caused you to miss the call. Bucky walks to the phone and looks down.

“It was him,” he croaked apologetically.  
“Please untie me and give the phone Bucky.” He doesn’t move.   
“Dammit Bucky! You can leave now, I don’t care. Just untie me and go. Matt needs me!” you snapped.

Your words hurt him but he didn’t understand why. He grabbed a knife from the drawer. You stared at him with caution, with your mouth slightly open, exhaling when he placed it on the far side of the table. He forcefully grabbed your wrists and snapped the zip tie open with ease. He grabbed his duffel bag and exited through the without a sound. You watched him leave the apartment without ever looking back at you.


	3. Chapter 3

You pinched the bridge of your nose and exhaled. Seeing the red indent around your wrists you rotated and rubbed them a few times to try to get the blood flowing again. You lean over the table to grab the knife and cut through the zip tie that bound your legs together. Getting up you finally took of your hoodie, groaning as you stretch out your body, while your mind is still in disbelief of what just happened.

Your phone interrupts your thoughts with a small beep and so you remember to read the text from Matt:  _ **Sava Rvr, red star dock tmrw 8p.**_  You sigh in relief, now more anxious than ever to get this mission over with.

You walked to the window Bucky had come in from, staring out seeing that night had begun to roll in over the skyline. You hesitated in closing the window, changing your mind as the breeze of the night’s air felt nice against your warm skin.

You checked your phone again, seeing that Matt was typing something. As you waited for the message you wondered when he would come back to the apartment, hoping he wouldn’t notice the clothes Bucky took.

Dropping your phone on the couch you panicked. It hit you suddenly that you needed to hide every trace that Bucky was there. With your heart racing you ran around the apartment, grabbing the bath towel he used and throwing it in the laundry, straightening up the chairs around the kitchen table, and grabbing the broken zip tie pieces and placing them as far down in the garbage as you could.

Everything seemed to be in order and so you sat back on the couch and relaxed. Remembering your phone you checked for the message but nothing had come through, it appeared as if he was still typing. You assume it was a mistake and ignore it. Finally able to settle in you put on the TV and aimlessly flip through the channels for at least an hour. You can’t focus on anything, the events of the day with Bucky keep replaying in your head.

“Shit!” You run to your laptop and turn it on. You forgot to send the new Intel to SHIELD.

Before you can sign in you hear footsteps approaching the front door.  _Matt is going to be pissed that I didn’t send this over sooner_ , you thought.

You hear Matt talking to someone but then his words are cut off. Hearing muffled noises in the hallway you hesitantly walk towards the door. Panic washes over you as you hear Matt crying out for you in the hallway.

You frantically look around for your gun when suddenly the door is violently blown open. You see Matt with blood dripping from his nose and mouth, one eye almost swollen shut. He is tossed to the floor by Goran. You take a few steps towards the kitchen before you’re stopped.

Another man struts into the apartment aiming his gun at you. You recognize him, Josif Petrovic. “Hello my beauty,” he said with a thick accent. “You move,” he cocked the gun, “I shoot,” he threatened.

“D-don’t, no,” Matt grumbled. Goran kicks him in the face.   
“Are you Interpol? CIA?” Josif pondered out loud. “Doesn’t matter anyway. You’re both going to die,” he taunted.   
“S-stop. Kill me. Let her go. I’m SHIELD, she’s not, j-just let her go,” Matt heaved through his words as he was struggling for breath.

You were still. As you spotted the gun on top of the fridge you ran through the scenarios in her head. If you go for the gun you would definitely be hit but as long as it wasn’t a kill shot you might be able to shoot one of them. You really wanted to kick yourself for not sending that email earlier. If SHIELD knew about the location they could still take care of the deal. Now your life would end for nothing.

“It’s too bad. You came so close,” Josif sneered as he aimed his gun at Matt’s head and fired.

The sound ripped through your body uncomfortably. It was like lightning had struck and you felt the pain of the electrical current flow slowly through your veins as it was looking for an escape. Tears flooded your eyes as you dropped to her knees in shock. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. Josif pistol whipped you on the side of your face and you fell on your stomach.

You heard Goran say that he would “have her first” before he was supposed to kill you. Goran grabbed a fistful of your hair pulling you up by it as you groaned. You attempted to fight him, desperately throwing your arms and kicking in his direction, finally landing a punch to his face. Goran held his cheek feeling the sting of your hit.

“You bitch!” he screamed. Josif laughed at him.

He angrily threw you forward into a heavy full length mirror that was leaning against the wall. Your body crashed down as you were decorated by shattered glass. Frustrated, Goran unbuckled his pants and knelt down by you. He grabbed the top of your jeans frantically trying to pull them off. You were squirming on your back, feeling the sting of broken glass under your weight. Bringing your knees to your chest you kicked him with all of your strength and he went flying back into the table.

You crawled on your stomach to get away but Goran stopped you. He grabbed a chunk of shattered glass and jammed it into your right shoulder blade. You cried out in pain, your nerves were on fire from the sharp pain that radiated out.

“Enough!” Josif shouted, no longer laughing. He cocked his gun aiming it at you.

He fired his weapon but the gunshot hit the ceiling as Josif’s body was dragged back from behind. Goran looked up to see a large man repeatedly punching Josif with a metal fist. You looked up, wide eyed and relieved to see Bucky.

Bucky gets up, satisfied with Josif’s incapacitation and marches toward Goran without blinking. Goran fires his gun at Bucky, who casually deflects the bullets with his left palm. Bucky grabs Goran by the back of the neck and ruthlessly shoves his head through the glass coffee table.

Bucky turns to hear Josif moan, he’s spitting up blood, gargling and choking. Bucky takes his metal hand and firmly grips Josif’s throat. He squeezes hard, feeling the crunch of cartilage and muscle beneath his grip and only releases after he is sure Josif is dead.

Goran is incoherently babbling, blood painting his face red, as he struggles to stand. Bucky grabs him from behind and wraps his arms around his neck, without hesitation he quickly jerked upward. Goran’s body fell limp to the ground.

You were leaning over the back of the couch, your arms trembling to support you. Bucky rushed over, his eyes softened and he gently touched your cheek, lifting your gaze to his.

“You are, are you…” he stammered as his eyes looked at you up and down in a frenzy.   
He hears the sounds of police sirens. “We have to go!” he exclaimed.   
“Wait!” you cried. “Grab the bag.” You motioned toward the closet.

He grabbed the backpack from the floor throwing it over his shoulder. He locks his fingers with yours and you lean on him for support. He leads you towards the window as you exit the apartment.


	4. Chapter 4

With adrenaline coursing through your veins you and Bucky ran through the back roads of the city, your heart felt like it was beating out of your chest. He slowed your pace as you reached a quiet block just on the edge of the city. He goes through a hole in a shabby wooden fence that surrounds a decent looking house with boarded up windows. Walking to the side of the house Bucky moves a piece of plywood that is blocking a door so you can enter.

“Wait here,” he told you. You stood, panting heavily as your eyes attempted to adjust to the darkness. You see his figure getting smaller and smaller until he completely disappears into the dark surroundings. With a small click a light comes on. Bucky is crouched down on the floor beside a small lamp that is missing its shade.

The lamp gives a warm glow to the russet paint that was cracking on most of the walls. A large hole in another revealed the lath and plaster bones of the structure above a brown leather couch with frayed sides.

You sway a little, feeling light headed and Bucky noticed, rushing over to you. “Take it easy Y/N I got you,” he said as he eased you onto the couch.

You lean forward on the couch resting your head on the armrest. Bucky sees a trail of deep crimson soaked through your white shirt, the shard of glass still protruding from your back. You have come down from your adrenaline high and are now feeling every ounce of searing pain.

“The bag,” you groaned.

Bucky brings the backpack in front of you. You reach in slowly and pull out the first aid kit. Your hands were shaking as you pulled out a box of butterfly stitches, handing it to Bucky. He took it from you and clutched the box with worry as he saw the color begin to drain from your face. “Yes but I have to take the glass out first, okay?” he quickly said, failing at try to keep his voice calm and steady so you didn’t panic.

You sat up bracing yourself on the armrest and he sat behind you. You took a deep breath in and closed your eyes. He placed a firm grip on your right shoulder and grabbed the glass with his metal hand. He pulled it out quickly but carefully as you hissed from the pain. Fresh blood began to pour out from the laceration. He grabbed your shirt, pulling as much fabric as he could to ball up against the wound with pressure.

“You doing okay doll?” he asked with concern. You hummed in acknowledgment as you were taking deep focused breaths, in and out, to deal with the pain.

He removed his hand when he was satisfied the wound was no longer bleeding. Opening the first aid kit he took out a package of rubbing alcohol wipes.

“I need to clean you up first, but, uh, you have to take off your shirt,” Bucky said nervously.

Without hesitation you removed your left arm from the sleeve but winced as you tried to raise your right arm.   
“Can you help?” you asked.

Bucky grabbed the hem of your shirt up from your back, revealing your black bra with lace details on the sides. He gently pulled the material away from the wound it was clinging to, lifting the shirt over your head and then gently down your right arm. The twinkle of light from your necklace drew Bucky’s eyes to your now exposed chest.  _The hoodie she wore earlier today does her no favors_ , he thought. He stared at your breasts, watching them rise and fall with your deep breaths.

He snapped himself out of his thoughts and quickly opened the packet and wiped the area clean. You jumped a little from the cold wetness. Bucky examined the opening on your back, you felt his fingertips graze over your skin and it caused a tingle to run down your spine.

“The cut is too big and jagged for those to work. I’m going to have to sew you up.”   
You sighed in frustration. Bucky prepped the sutures, “I’m sorry Y/N but this is going to hurt,” he candidly admitted.   
You adjusted your grip on the armrest. “I know. I’m ready.”

Bucky began to stitch your wound together as you stifled your screams. He felt your body tense up after each pass of the needle through your skin. You hissed in pain and gripped the armrest until your knuckles were bright white. His heart broke when you were audibly sobbing. Your body was trembling and he was not even halfway done.

He adorns your back with another stitch and pulls the suture taut. You flinch and he stops his actions, “I’m so sorry Y/N.” You notice the sorrow in his voice. “Do you want to take a break?”   
“No, just finish it,” you said breathing heavily. He hangs his head low and continues.

You cry out again and he stops. He’s lost countless night’s sleep because of his involuntary actions as the Winter Soldier, thinking about all of the pain he’s caused for so many. He tries to remind himself that what he’s doing is necessary to help you but your sobs are destroying him and he cannot handle it. He does not want to be the cause of any more pain.

“Why are you stopping? I can do this,” you whimpered, wiping away the tears that have streamed down your cheeks.  
“I can’t. I don’t want to hurt you.” He has an idea, something he thinks might help to at least distract you but he’s unsure if he should proceed.  
“Bucky you have to.”  
“Can I kiss you?” he blurted out.

You carefully turned your head back to look at him, brows furrowed in confusion. “What? Now?”  
“Please…trust me.”

Your thoughts were racing as quickly as your heart. You reluctantly admit to yourself that kissing Bucky had crossed her mind. Despite your incredibly different pasts there was something about him that feel connected to and that’s what made you think about him, wanting to know more about who he really is.

This isn’t how you imagined it but why not? You nodded to him and leaned back, closing your eyes as you readied your pursed lips. Bucky licked his lips and places a gentle kiss on your shoulder cap, you lightly gasp at the touch of his soft lips on your skin. He continues leaving a trail of sweet kisses along your collarbone, finding his way to the crook of her neck he sucks harshly.

“B-Bucky,” you whimpered as you tilted her neck even more. He leaned back and pushed the needle through to complete another stitch and then returns his lips to your skin to ease the pain.

You gasp, moaning as you feels the waves of pleasure washing over the pain as Bucky continues this pattern a few more times until your wound is closed. He opens bandage and covers your stitches. You turn to face him and Bucky suddenly feels embarrassed.

“I’m sorry… I, um… I couldn’t bear to hear you crying anymore. I…wanted to distract you,” he said as he bashfully ran his fingers through his hair.   
“It worked.” You smiled awkwardly.

With crossed her arms over your chest you felt cold from the unheated house and a little insecure without a top on. Bucky reached into an olive colored duffel bag and pulled out a black t-shirt. You stood up to put it on, struggling a little when you needed to lift your right arm.

“Thank you Bucky.”   
“You’re welcome.”   
“No, thank you for being there. If you didn’t show up I…,” you stopped. Your eyes started to well up. “Oh, oh god, Matt. He’s, he…” you burst into tears.

Bucky wrapped his arms around you as you sobbed into his chest. “I can’t believe it. He’s gone. He’s really gone.” He feels your heart pounding faster, and hears your shallow breaths.

“It’s…all…my… fault. He’s d-dead,” you barely manages to say between bawling.

Bucky hugs your tighter. “Shhh, it’s okay Y/N. It’s okay. Look at me,” he pleaded.   
You look up into his eyes. “It’s not your fault,” he said firmly.

You tried to take a deep breath but choke on a sob. A few more tears escaped from your eyes and Bucky wiped them away with his thumbs. You felt calmer under his touch. You broke from the hug to sit back down on the couch and Bucky followed.

You held your head in your hands, “Bucky, why did you come back?”

He paused before answering. “I don’t know. I left without thanking you and I… well the way we left off just didn’t seem right. I made it half way back here before I decided to turn around and I’m glad that I did.”   
“Me too,” you said as you grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

You leaned back onto the couch and sighed. You rummaged through the backpack and pulled out a small phone. “I have to call SHIELD,” you said with conviction. Bucky whipped his head towards you, his eyes aflame with fear, he grabbed it out of your hands.

“Bucky! I have to call them. I never sent them the information. The deal is going down tomorrow night. Without their help all of this, Matt’s death, will have been for nothing.”   
“Don’t! Don’t turn it on,” Bucky pleaded.  
“What? Why not?” you questioned.   
“Please, don’t call them. It’s my fault you didn’t give them the information. I had you tied up. I made you miss the call. I’m the reason this happened,” he replied, lowering his head.

You sighed. It would have been nice to blame anyone but yourself but you couldn’t do that, especially to Bucky who has enough guilt to last a lifetime. “No, it’s my fault. I got the details after you left I just didn’t do my job. I was distracted.”

Bucky turned towards you, raising his head slowly with an unspoken look of blame. “I’m just as responsible for what happened but I can’t have SHIELD find me.”   
He squeezed your hand, looking deep into your eyes. “Y/N, please. I’m trying to put the pieces of the life that I just got back together. SHIELD won’t give me that chance,” he finished.

You stared back at his deep sad eyes, you were conflicted. “Bucky, what am I supposed to do? I can’t let this deal go through and I can’t take them on myself,” you struggled to say. You felt like the weight of the world was resting on your chest, constricting your breathing.   
“I’ll help you.”

Your eyes widened as you listened to Bucky. He offered to help your stop the sale of the weapons if you helped him leave the city. When he was far enough away for a good head start you could call SHIELD. You agreed to his proposal and felt like you could breathe again.

You rubbed your eyes. “I’m so tired.”   
“Take the couch. I’ll sleep on the floor,” Bucky offered.   
“Thank you,” you said, smiling.

You groaned as you unlaced your boots causing Bucky to kneel in front of you. He flashed you a sweet smile as he helped take them off. You spread out on the couch and closed your eyes. Before you knew it sleep had taken you.

  
Bucky quietly walked by the couch to grab his duffel bag. He sat on the floor in front of you watching as you slept.  _She’s beautiful._  He used the duffel as a makeshift pillow and stared at the ceiling. Even though you were right next to him he closed his eyes and pictured you. His cock twitched in his pants as he remembered his lips on your soft skin, the sweet sound of your moans that filled the air. He breathed deeply a few times and shook off his feelings, not wanting to give in to the desire he felt for you as you laid a few feet away. He turned onto his side and hoped for sleep.

* * *

“Steve!”

You wake up in a panic, hearing Bucky’s voice straining, he sounds like he’s in pain. You see him on the floor. His body is jolting with violent thrashes. Getting off the couch you carefully crouch next to him.

“Wake up Bucky,” you said in a soft whisper.

You gently caress his cheek with your hand. Before his eyes open his body is jerked upright, his hand is firmly grasped on yours, squeezing your wrist tighter. He releases his grip when his eyes opened.

“Shit. I’m sorry,” he said, trying to slow his heart rate.  
“I’m good. Are you okay? Sounded like you were having a nightmare,” you said.   
He stood up and paced around. “I couldn’t get out of it. I get… flashbacks and bad memories.”   
“I’m sorry. I know it must be difficult, especially going through this alone.”

You got up from the floor and sat on the couch, patting the cushion as a gesture for him to sit as well.

“Bucky, can I ask why you’re running? I mean I know  _why_ , but how come you’re not with Steve?”   
He shoots you a puzzled look. “Steve? Are you kidding me?” he exclaimed. “Steve is the last person I want to see!”   
“Sorry, it’s just that I heard you mention his name before.”   
“When I close my eyes it’s like I’m watching a film, a horrible movie all of the terrible things I’ve done, and it just keeps replaying. I, I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t even be alive. I didn’t ask for any of this!”

Tears are stinging Bucky’s eyes as they edge closer to dropping. “And I hurt Steve, bad. I-I’m so ashamed. I don’t deserve his friendship. I don’t deserve anything,” he croaked, with the tears now streaming down his face.

You put your hand on his knee and Bucky turns to face you, his hair is sticking to his tear stained cheek. “That’s not true.” You push the strands of hair behind his ears and wipe his tears away.

He scoffed, “I’m a monster.”   
“You’re a victim!” you retorted.   
“What Hydra made me do…”   
You interrupted him, “It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re in control  _now_. And today you chose to be heroic.” He turned his lips up to smile, though his eyebrows made his expression sad.

“You didn’t have to risk your life for me tonight but you did. You’re a good person, James.” He leaned in to hug you, this time you wrapped your arms tightly around him.   
“I’ll let you go back to sleep,” Bucky said as he broke from the hug.   
“Stay here. The floor can’t be comfortable,” you replied.   
“You sure?” You nod in response.

Bucky lets you get comfortable first. You rest your arms over the side of the couch, legs curled underneath you. He goes to the opposite side and leans back against the arm rest; his legs are half stretched out with one hanging off the couch.

“Goodnight Y/N,” he whispered.

He fell asleep replaying your words in his head. If you believed there was good in him perhaps he could believe it as well, and then maybe he could start to forgive himself.


	5. Chapter 5

Sunlight was forcing its way in through the blocked windows of the house. Lifting your head from the couch you began to roll it around, stretching your neck out. You yawned as you rubbed the sleep from your eyes. Looking around at the unfamiliar surroundings you briefly panicked when you thought you were alone. Your rising anxiety calmed down when you saw Bucky emerge from the doorway of the kitchen.

“Thought I left?” he joked.  
“I wasn’t sure.”  
“I made something to eat.”   
“Good ‘cause I’m starving,” you said, slowly getting up from the couch.

You groaned as you made your way to the kitchen, your body was stiff and sore. You smiled softly watching Bucky scrape scrambled eggs off of a frying pan and separating them onto two paper plates.

“Come sit down,” he said, offering you the only chair around a small wooden table.   
As soon as he placed the plate down you attacked it quickly, eating faster than you had intended; not realizing you really haven’t eaten since yesterday’s breakfast.

“You haven’t been in this place long I’m guessing,” you speculated.   
“About a week or so,” he replied, leaning against the tile countertop. “It wasn’t safe anymore at the old place I was staying at, but at least there’s still electricity here. Just no more hot water,” he winked.

Images of Bucky dripping wet in a towel came rushing to your mind. You shifted your gaze around the room in an to avoid eye contact with him, as if he could read your dirty thoughts. Your eyes found the oil stained clock above the stove, “Oh my god it’s 3 in the afternoon?” You jumped up, “Why did you let me sleep so late?” 

“You needed it,” he said plainly.   
“Yeah but Bucky there’s so much to do.”   
“There really isn’t. We have a few hours before we have to leave here. Don’t worry. I promised you I would help you and I will,” he replied. “Besides doll,” he gently lifted your chin with his hand, “you needed to rest and get some strength back.”

You held his gaze in silence, knowing he was right, you definitely appreciated the rest. You looked at his tender smile and thanked him. You both moved to the couch and tried to go over a plan.

Bucky grabbed your backpack and took out the guns. “Can you shoot?” he asked.   
“Well, normally yeah, of course.” You raised your right arm up and winced. “I’m pretty sore but I’ll have to manage.” “May I?” he asked, his hands were out in front of him, waiting for your approval.

You nodded and Bucky instructed you to turn around. He pulled down the back collar of your shirt and gently placed his fingers on the back of your neck. His touch caused goosebumps to emerge all over your body. He slowly kneaded circles, gradually applying more pressure as he continued. You let out an obscene moan and immediately went red, hoping that somehow Bucky temporarily lost his hearing in the last 10 seconds.

“Good?” he laughed.   
 _Well that was a long shot._  “Yeah hehe,” you nervously replied, thankful that he could not see your current tomato face.

He moved his hand to your right side and lessened the pressure to a light touch. Bucky gently rubbed the top of your shoulder, with careful movements around the very tender area. He massaged down your right arm with more strength, forcing the muscles into relaxation.

Bucky gingerly placed his metal hand on your left shoulder and started to massage it. His right hand joined in after. You loved feeling the contrast between his hands; his smooth and cool metal hand caused an oddly satisfying shiver to run down your back, while his soft and warm hand seemed to ground you in comfort.

He massaged your back, relieving the spot where you held most of your tension, feeling the crunch of the knots in your muscles beneath his motions. Bucky felt a tight nodule and worked on releasing the strained muscle.   
You groaned feeling the relief, “That was a big one.” Bucky laughed.

He slid his hands down the fabric of your shirt, slowly massaging your lower back. Your eyes closed as you melted under his touch, not realizing you had arched your back causing your ass to push into Bucky’s groin. He felt his cock twitch and so he shifted his position.

“All good?” he nervously squeaked as he tried to clear his throat.   
“Yes that was amazing. Thank you.”

You stood up feeling loose and relieved, Bucky was thankful your back was to him, his face was flushed and he was focusing on steady breaths to stave off an erection. You sat next to him again as you went through the rest of the bag to see what you could use.

“Swiss army knife,” you acknowledged placing it down. Your eyes lit up, “Oooh scalpel!” You took it out of the first aid kit. “Dammit!”   
“What’s wrong?” Bucky asked.   
“There’s Advil in here. I could have taken this last night. Why do I always forget these things?!” you whined as you got up to swallow the pills with water. Bucky shook his head and laughed.   
“What?” you giggled.   
“Nothing,” he said, with a coy smile.

Bucky got up from the couch. He was looking for something. “Shit!” he said.   
Your head tilted in confusion.   
“I left my bag on your fire escape,” he sighed.

He grabbed the olive colored duffel bag. It was smaller but Bucky didn’t have much anyway. He stuffed it with his things, mainly clothes, a journal and some toiletries. He changed into a dark grey shirt and a black jacket.

“Are you ready?” he asked, as he zipped up his jacket.   
“Almost.”

You slipped into your boots, bringing your foot up on the couch to tie the laces. You tried to avoid stretching her right side to no avail. Without saying anything Bucky tied your boots. “I feel like a kid,” you laughed.

Bucky stood up and placed his hands out, you grabbed them for leverage to get up from the couch. Your touch lingered until Bucky cleared his throat, “Time to go.”

You and Bucky walked under the soft glow of evening as the tired sun withdrew for the night. Bucky navigated your way through quiet side streets and back roads. You made minimal conversation during your moderately paced walk, as you mentally prepared for what was going to happen. It took over an hour to get to the location, The Red Star Rowing Club that sat along the Sava River.

The path was dimly lit as you walked, your surroundings were uncomfortably quiet until you got closer to your destination. The building was closed but there were bars and restaurants further down with loud music filling the air. You hid behind some trees as you watched the docks with a sense of unease.

“Bucky, what if they changed their plans? I didn’t think this through.”   
“It’s still early, don’t panic,” Bucky said trying to comfort you.   
“They had to have changed it right? I’m so stupid!” you proclaimed.   
“No, you’re not. Think it through Y/N. You said Matt sent you the information but you didn’t give it to SHIELD right away, right?”  
You nodded in response.   
“So I don’t think they caught him leaking the information. There was too much time in between. There must have been something else that made them suspicious. That’s why they followed Matt back to the apartment,” he concluded.   
You smiled at him, feeling reassured by his thoughts.

The sound of an engine caught your attention as a medium sized boat was slowly docking. You heard the distant grumbling voices of a few men. Suddenly the headlights of a small car passed through the trees and you both ducked down. The car pulled in, close to the docks. Two men got out of the car, you recognized one of them as Marko Petrovic. The men start talking and so you decided to move in. Leaving their bags, you quickly and quietly crossed the path and hid behind a storage garage.

Their voices are stronger and not just because you moved closer, the tone of the conversation escalated. “You tell me where he is or I call off this deal!” Marko growled.   
“I have not spoken to Josif since yesterday,” said a deep voiced man as he took a confident step forward.   
He was Middle Eastern, with a broad build and he stood a foot taller than the others. “You would be wise to change your attitude. And wiser to not threaten us,” he continued.

“Maybe we’ll be lucky and they’ll just kill each other,” you whispered to Bucky.   
“I count five of them, unless there are more inside the boat,” he replied.

Marko had his associate open the trunk of the car and take out 2 large cases. The tall man motioned to the boat and another man brought out a large briefcase. The men stood before each other with their respective items waiting to make the first move.

“Ready?” Bucky asked. You nodded firmly.

Bucky walked to the corner of the garage and aimed his gun. With precision he shot the two men flanking the apparent leader, their bodies quickly fell to the ground. The rest of the men turned around drawing their guns. “Over there!” someone yelled.

They start shooting at the corner of the building but you and Bucky snuck around the other way towards the boat. Another man has come up from the deck, gun in hand and alerts the others of your presence while firing towards you. Bucky pushes you down and shoots the man on the boat. You hear Marko and his accomplice running towards you from behind while the leader attacks Bucky from the front.

You aimed her gun at the dimly lit bodies advancing towards you. “Aghhhh,” groaned a voice. You groaned in unison, the recoil of the gun causing a dull ache to radiate from your wound. The man was shot in the leg but managed to hobble over towards you and knock you down while you were distracted by the pain. The gun fell from your hands. You struggled as the man tried to get a firm grasp of his own gun to aim at you. Kneeing him in the groin his grip loosened and he dropped the gun. He swung his arms wildly at you as you were crawling towards both weapons. He pulled your legs, flipping you onto your back. The pain of your tender shoulder being driven into the hard ground fueled your anger. 

You kicked him in his wound and he screamed. Digging into your pockets you pulled out the scalpel. The man came crashing down on you, unaware of the object in your hand. You removed the protective covering and jammed the blade into the side of his neck. He stifled a scream as he struggled to breathe, blood was escaping his body in large spurts. You shoved his weakened frame to the ground and reached for your gun.

Bucky was engaged in his own fight with the tall leader. They traded punches without faltering, Bucky was surprised at the man’s strength and stamina. Bucky led with his metal arm, using all his force to take him down. The man grabbed a brick from the ground and swung it, connecting with Bucky’s head. Dazed and dizzy, Bucky struggled on the ground as the man kicked him ferociously. Bucky heard the faint sounds of you in distress and he was determined to get up.

He charged at the man, spearing him to the floor and punched his face violently. Bucky didn’t stop even as he felt the bones shattering beneath his metal fist. The man’s nose was like jelly, his face bloody and unrecognizable. Bucky inhaled deeply to catch his breath and then ran towards you.

Marko had gotten to you before you could grab your gun. He wrapped his hands around your throat and squeezed. You clawed at his hands, trying to hit him or do anything to get him to release his grip but you couldn’t; his hold on you was too strong. Your eyes widened in fear as you felt the tightening grip around your throat. Marko was so fixated on choking you he did not pay any attention to Bucky until it was too late. Bucky tore him off of you and quickly put a bullet in his head.

You were coughing and wheezing, and taking in breaths that felt too deep for your lungs to handle.   
“Y/N!” Bucky cried out as he ran back to you.  He knelt down, “Are you okay? Y/N look at me.”   
You nodded quickly as you continued coughing. With a strained voice you told him you were okay.

Bucky helped you up as you continued to catch your breath. He cautiously looked around, checking that all bodies were still there and motionless, and that no new people were going to attack them before bringing his eyes back to you. You had been staring up at him, waiting for his attention. When he looked down you wrapped your arms around him and he returned the gesture, wrapping his around your whole body and bringing you in close. You placed you head on his chest as you silently embraced.

“Thank you,” you whispered.   
He kissed the top of her forehead. You sighed in content and Bucky smiled.

You looked up at Bucky again and noticed a path of blood coming from the side of his head.   
“You’re hurt,” you cried softly as you raised your palm up to his face.   
Bucky pressed his cheek into your hand, “I’m fine. We should go before someone comes,” he said.

Bucky collected the bodies of the men and carried them inside the cabin of the boat. You grabbed the weapon’s cases and briefcase, along with the guns the men were using, placing them all inside the trunk of Marko’s car. Bucky ran across the path to retrieve your bags while you started the car. He got in and you drove away.

The ride was silent as you were driving aimlessly. Bucky had kept up his end of their deal. Now it was your turn. You would hold off on calling SHIELD until Bucky decided he was far enough away. You felt pain in the pit of your stomach. You didn’t want to admit it before but there was no denying your feelings now, you were completed attracted to Bucky. You couldn’t deny the physical attraction, his stubble wasn’t able to hide his sharp jaw line, you felt like his piercing blue eyes looked deep into your soul, and the thought of his strong muscular body made you wet. But now after all you’ve been through you were emotionally invested and you didn’t want to let go.

You sighed deeply and then started coughing. “Water,” you asked for as you choked. Bucky handed you an opened bottle and you quickly gulped half of it down.

The entrance to a highway was coming up and Bucky motioned for you to get on it.  _Oh no, this is it. He’s going to have me drop him off somewhere_ , you thought. You continued to drive not knowing where you were going.

 _Say something._  He’s going to leave and you’ll never see him again. You were silent. There was so much you wanted to say but you didn’t know where to start.

 _At the next exit ramp I’ll say something_ , you thought but the exit came and went.  _The next one_ , you thought again. The tension was building inside until you abruptly blurted out, “Where am I taking you?”  _That wasn’t what I wanted to say._

“Hang on,” he said as he grabbed his bag and pulled something out. You did a double take.   
“Are you serious!” you exclaimed.   
“What?”  Bucky chuckled.  
“A map? Haven’t you heard of…” you stopped, “Never mind,” you said, shaking your head and laughing.  
“Heard of what?” he earnestly asked.

You sighed before speaking. “Well, I was going to say that today we have maps on our phones, and our phones are like little computers. So, um, do you know what a computer is?” you asked innocently.   
“Yes!” he snapped back sarcastically.   
“Okay okay!” You laughed, glancing over to see the corners of his lips pulled up into a huge smile.   
“I wanted to catch up on things since the war. I found a library seeing as that’s a good place to go.” You casually interjected with small sounds of agreement.   
“I asked to read the newspapers on microfilm. The librarian thought I was joking. She said it would be easier to just… Google it?” his face twisted in confusion, as he said the modern term with an upward inflection.   
“Wow, that’s really sad but like in a funny way,” you said glancing over at him. “It’s really cute.”   
“I still have a lot to learn but sometimes simple is better” he said, smiling as he flicked the map.  
“Okay well where is your map telling me to go?”   
“Just take this to the A1 and then I’ll tell you when to stop.”

Reality hit you again. You were taking him somewhere and he was going to leave. _Face the facts, he’s leaving so just say goodbye quickly and make it easier on yourself_ , you tried to convince yourself.

You cleared your throat awkwardly before speaking. “So I really can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done. Good luck out there. For what it’s worth you’ll always have a friend at SHIELD.”

_Really Y/N? That’s what you went with?_

“Getting rid of me?” he laughed.   
“What? No, I thought you were leaving.”   
“It’s been a long night and I’m pretty tired after all of that. Plus I want to make sure you’re okay,” he said, grabbing your hand and intertwining your fingers perfectly together.

Your heart fluttered and you smiled widely at him. You drove for about 60 miles until Bucky told you to exit the highway. After a few turns off the main road you found yourselves at a hotel.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I googled the food pronunciation.. hope its accurate! :D

The hotel was small and looked shabby from the outside, like it hadn’t been renovated in decades. You paid for the room in cash while Bucky stayed by the car, signaling to him to come inside once you had the room key. Putting his hood up he grabbed your bags and quickly walked to meet you.

Bucky entered the room first and scoped it out to make sure it was safe. He couldn’t help but to always be on alert, especially in a new setting. Bucky closed the thick curtains of the window and relaxed when he felt comfortable with the surroundings.

Locking the door behind you, you turned, surprised at the condition of the room since you were expecting a lot worse. It was a small room with some recent updates, but freshly painted beige walls and a newer flat screen TV did not hide the general wear and tear. There was a queen sized bed in the center of the room. Beside it was a nightstand with a built in lamp, while an armchair and small desk filled in the space on the other side near the window.

You raised your eyebrows and looked at Bucky. “I guess we’re sharing,” you said nervously.

Bucky ran his fingers through his hair, letting his hood fall back, revealing the side of his face covered in blood.

“Bucky!” You went to the bathroom and ran the hot water. “Sit down,” you ordered him as you came back with a wet washcloth.

He sat on the bed and you stepped between his legs, gently wiping the blood from his face. Bucky was silent as he watched you tending to him. He noted the concern you wore on your face. You brought the washcloth to his scalp and he let out a small hiss of pain.

“I’m sorry,” you said.   
“It’s not you… it was the brick,” he half-laughed, watching your expression sink. You wet the cloth again and began to clean his hair, feeling the crunch of the dried blood throughout the strands. “Thank you Y/N,” Bucky said.

He put his arms around your waist pulling you closer to him; his head rested on the mounds of your chest causing your heart to beat faster. You carded your fingers through his hair as you felt him hold you tighter. Your face began to flush as your pulse quickened.

“I-I need to shower,” you stammered as you broke the embrace.

Spinning around on your toes quickly you went into the bathroom feeling very jittery. Breathe, you thought, pinching the bridge of your nose.

You turned on the water and started to undress, placing your necklace on the counter first then carefully pulling off your shirt. Your entire back was aching now, it felt like you’d been hit by a truck. You turned towards the mirror, seeing the bandage that was supposed to be covering your stitches was half torn and hanging off; further examining the bruises and scrapes you acquired during the fight now decorating your back.

You took another deep breath. You couldn’t stop thinking about Bucky, his piercing blue eyes, the tenderness in his touch. The tension had been building between you making you wonder if he felt it too.

Finally you stepped into the shower. The hot water felt amazing, it instantly relaxed your sore muscles, although you hissed feeling the sting of the water on your stitches. It made you think about Bucky’s “distraction” while stitching you up. You closed your eyes and remembered the feeling of his soft lips on your skin, gently sucking on your neck. The pulse between your legs was growing stronger the more you thought about him. You wouldn’t dare admit this to anyone but you were glad Bucky had been following you and Matt.

You sank to the bottom of the tub. Matt, he was a good friend, your only friend and now he’s dead. The guilt comes crashing down on you and it feels hard to breathe. You’re in a trance, watching the streams of grimy water swirl down the drain while your mind cruelly replays the image of him being shot over and over again. The water poured down on your skin making it uncomfortably hot and red. The shower was no longer a relief, it was a reflection of your thoughts, pain. You forced yourself up and finished quickly, stepping out and wrapping a towel around your body. The mirror in the bathroom had fogged up and you were glad, you didn’t want to see your reflection.

You opened the door to find Bucky lying on the bed with his eyes shut. His shoes had been kicked off. He was wearing a black ribbed tank top, with his shirt and jacket crumpled in a pile at the end of the bed. You held a ball of your clothes in front of you and quietly walked to the other side of the bed.

“I’m just resting my eyes,” he said, startling you as you passed by.

You adjusted and secured your towel before sitting down, attempting to comb through your hair with your fingers, scrunching your face as you tried to forcefully detangle the knotted locks. Your back was to Bucky but you felt his eyes on you.

“Do you think we should have brought the stuff in from the car?” you asked.   
“No, those cases would draw attention. You already paid in cash Y/N, no ID. I wouldn’t push it,” he answered.

Once you were satisfied with your hair you sorted through the clothes you were previously wearing. The shirt Bucky gave you was filthy, drenched in blood and dirt, your jeans were dirty as well but that didn’t bother you as much as the thought of having to wear them to bed.

“Bucky, I know you don’t have much but do you have shorts or like any comfortable pants I can borrow… just to sleep in?” you asked with you back still to him. You felt him get up from the bed.  
“And a shirt? Just for the night. I’m going to try and wash this one,” you hesitantly asked.

He went through his overstuffed duffel bag, handing you a sloppy pile of fabric, a white t-shirt and grey sweatpants.

“Thank you,” you said, lifting your head up quickly before averting your eyes back down.   
“What’s wrong?”   
“Nothing,” you lied.   
“You can barely look at me. I know something is going on.”   
You sighed, “I thought about Matt and…” Bucky sat next to you and you took a deep breath, “He was a good person. He didn’t deserve that.” The words seemed so physically heavy to say but you felt no relief after they had come out.

“Were you close?” Bucky asked.   
“After my dad died I kind of cut myself off from the world. Matt helped pull me back. He was the only person I really trusted. Now that he’s gone I…”

Bucky slowly inched his fingers towards yours, upon reaching them he stroked your hand.

“I’m sorry. I know what it’s like feeling empty and lost,” he said as he looked at you with a tight lipped smile and sadness in his eyes.  
“Right! Right, of course you do!,” you said feeling selfish. “I’m sorry Bucky. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through.” You held his hand with a firmer grip.   
“I’m not trying to compete with you. I just know how you feel.” Bucky looked up and saw your sympathetic smile. “Although if we were competing I think I would definitely win,” he joked.

You shook your head and chuckled, playfully shoving his arm. Bucky laughed looking back at you. You stared at each other with your eyes reciprocating affection. You felt the tension again, like your body had been wound up, now ready to unravel. You looked at Bucky’s lips and licked yours in response. Moving your head closer towards his, he tilted his in return, your lips a small distance apart. Before you could close the gap a loud growling sound ripped through the room.

Bucky shook his head down and laughed, “I guess I’m hungry.”   
You beamed in return. “I’m pretty hungry too,” you admitted.   
“I’ll run downstairs and get us something to eat.”

Bucky put on his jacket and a pair of gloves to hide himself. He took out a gun from the backpack handing it to you. “Here, just in case.” You nodded.

As soon as Bucky left you put on the clothes, rolling the waistband of the sweatpants up a few times so they didn’t fall down. You attempted to wash the black t-shirt in the bathroom sink with the small circular bar soap, hanging it up to dry as you waited nervously for Bucky to return.

Twenty minutes later there was a soft knock on the door. You took a firm stance and aimed the gun towards the entryway. The door opened and Bucky walked in holding a bag. You lowered the gun and sighed in relief. Bucky had gone to a small restaurant across the street.

He handed you a small cup. “I got you some tea for your throat. It’s got honey in it. I hope that’s okay.”   
“Thanks Bucky,” you said, taking the lid off to let it cool down. “So what did you get?” you asked.   
“Cevapi, which are sausages, and, don’t ask me to pronounce it, but it’s like a hamburger.”   
“Oh, pljeskavica! Those are so good,” you excitedly said.   
“We can split them, if you want,” Bucky suggested.   
You happily nodded.

Sitting close together on the bed you indulged in the food, treating your starved stomachs to the deliciously spiced meats. At some point the TV was turned on but neither of you paid any attention to it. You were both content. In this moment there was no fighting, running or hiding and you wanted to enjoy this peace for as long as possible.

“Mmmm, that… plyess-kaveeka?” he questioned in a confused tone.  
“Plyess-ka-veetsa,” you corrected.   
He repeated it back correctly. “That was one of the best things I’ve ever had!” Bucky exclaimed.  
“I told you it was good!” You finished your last bite staring blankly at the flickering screen, unaware of the way Bucky was watching you.

Getting up from the bed you collected the food containers to through away. Rummaging through your backpack you pulled out the Advil bottle. Swallowing the pills you caught on to Bucky watching you from the corner of your eye.

“Yeah yeah, I remembered,” you mocked yourself.   
“I didn’t say anything!” he said smiling. “How bad is the pain?  
“It’s not the best. Can you cover the stitches again? I had to take the bandage off.”

You handed Bucky a new bandage and sat next to him on the bed. Pulling up the back of your shirt you held the fabric above your shoulder. Bucky stifled a gasp when he realized you were not wearing a bra. He slowly opened the package as his mind wandered staring at your exposed back.

“How does it look?” you asked him. Bucky refocused looking at the wound. Black sutures were woven through your skin, the area was still pretty red. Bucky placed his fingertips on the area surrounding the wound.

You shivered when his cool metal hand made contact with your skin.   
“It looks a little irritated, probably from the fight but it should heal well.”   
He secured the bandage over your wound and you let go of the fabric, pulling the hem of your shirt down.  
“I tried to keep the stitches neat cause I didn’t…” he paused, lowering his head.  
You turned to Bucky. “You didn’t what?”  
“I didn’t want you to be like me,” he exhaled sorrowfully. You frowned, puzzled by his words. “My scars are… they are an ugly reminder of the person I became,” he sighed.

Putting your palm over Bucky’s heart you felt the rapid beats from within. “Bucky you’ve always been the same person in here.” You pressed your hand firmer on his chest. His gaze was still aimed downward so you moved until you were in his line of sight, he lifted his head to your eyes.

“And when I think of my scar I’m going to remember these moments. How kind and caring you are, how you risked your life for me, more than once.”

You tilted your head closer to him, “When my scar heals it’s not gonna matter what it looks like.” You looked at him with half-lidded eyes and moved closer until your lips were right over his. “I’m just gonna think of you,” you said in a breathy whisper.

With those words Bucky crashed his lips onto yours. You moaned and hummed as the feverish kiss deepened. Bucky’s tongue slipped past your lips causing you to whimper as it caressed your own. He pulled you onto his lap, the heat pooled in your core, feeling his hard member pressing through his pants. He slipped his hand under your shirt, running it up and down your back. Despite his fervor he was still mindful of your injury, instead gripping your waist with his metal hand as you began to rock your hips against him, needing friction to ease your aching center.

Bucky trailed his kisses down to your neck and found his way back to the familiar spot he knew made you melt. You moaned, feeling his hot breath on your neck before his lips sucked your skin so deliciously, you’d be surprised if you didn’t have bruises later.

Bucky lifted the shirt over your head and stared, mesmerized by your breasts. The cool air made your nipples harden and Bucky playfully flicked his tongue over them. You gasped as he took your nipple into his warm mouth, circling his tongue around it and sucking softly. He squeezed your breast, twisting and pinching the erect bud between his fingers. He kissed his way to your other breast this time grazing his teeth and gently biting your nipple before it became enveloped in his mouth, you threw your head back and moaned.

Bucky gently laid you down on the bed, not wanting to cause any additional friction to the wound on your shoulder.   
Placing kisses down your stomach you squirm as his scruff tickled your sensitive skin. He paused, smiling when he reached the waistband of the sweatpants, you lifted your hips as he quickly slid them off your legs.

His eyes widened, letting out a devilish growl when he saw you exposed to him. He wrapped his arms around your legs as he spread them apart and kissed his way down your left thigh, crossing over to the other just before reaching your center. You whimpered in anticipation, gasping when you felt him tease you with kitten licks. He flattened his tongue moving it up and down your folds, taking pleasure watching you squirm from his ministrations. His tongue swirled around your clit and you cried out in ecstasy, feeling the coil within begin to tighten.

This was his first time being intimate with someone since before the war but you would have never known by the way he expertly devoured you. He treasured every gasp and moan you made as he relished in the pleasure he was giving. Bucky hummed while he suckled on your clit, the vibrations caused your hips to buck into his mouth.

“Ohh don’t stop,” you cried, grabbing the back of his head, legs trembled around him as the coil snapped. The sinful look of satisfaction was obvious in Bucky’s eyes while you rode out your orgasm.

He wiped his glistening chin and smiled. Standing up to take off his pants, your eyes widened at the sight of his thick cock. He pumped himself a few times, spreading the beads of precum over his swollen head. He crawled above you, rubbing his hot length back and forth between your soaked lips. You whimpered at his teasing. He positioned himself at your entrance, looking up to you first for permission. You wordless nodded and with agonizingly slow motions he pushed himself in inch by inch.

Bucky was fully sheathed inside of you, dropping his head down to the shell of your ear moaning. He reveled in the sensation of your warm tight walls stretching to accommodate his size. Your lust filled eyes stared into Bucky’s as you wrapped your arms around the wide frame of his muscular back, pulling him closer towards you for a searing kiss.

Bucky rocked his hips with a satisfying pace. “You feel so fucking good,” he panted.

The base of his length grazed your clit with each thrust bringing you quickly over the edge. Your walls started to pulse around him.   
“Ohh B-Bucky, mmmm fuck, I’m gonna,” you breathlessly cried out.

Bucky quickened his pace, pounding into you, trying to match your impending orgasm. “Ahh fuuuuck,” he cried, as jets of hot cum exploded inside of you.

After a few moments of catching your breath Bucky leaned over to seize your lips in a fatigued kiss. He laid back on the bed, sweat glistening over his heaving chest. Your head nestled onto his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around your trembling body. He pulled you closer to him and placed a tender kiss on your forehead. You faintly hummed in satisfaction, eyes closed as your wrecked body craved sleep. Bucky inhaled deeply, he was genuinely happy, feeling like a sense of his humanity was restored. He glanced down at your sleeping frame and curved his lips into a gratifying smile before he too drifted off to sleep. 


	7. Chapter 7

The room was a hazy shade of grey except for the edge of the window dressings where the sun was glowing bright and trying to creep its way in. You woke up feeling the warmth of Bucky’s body curled behind you, his heavy arm draped over your stomach. Wiping the sleep from your eyes you tried to swallow the taste that had settled in your dry mouth. You rubbed Bucky’s arm and nuzzled into him, smiling as the memories of last night are fresh in your mind.

Bucky stirs, waking up slowly and so you turned around to greet him. He looked at you, your hair was splayed out on the pillow in a messy pattern, your soft lips smiling back at him and your eyes, he felt so much from your gaze. It was a strange feeling, something he hasn’t been familiar with in a very long time. It’s been so long he isn’t sure he can even recognize love anymore but he’s confident enough to know that you feel something for him.

“G’morning,” your raspy and still half-asleep voice whispered.   
He pressed forward to tenderly kiss you, rubbing his thumbs along your cheek. “Morning.”  
“How did you sleep?” you asked, as your hands caressed his hair.

Bucky smiled, admitting this was by far the best sleep he has had in over 70 years. No nightmares, no reliving the past, just sleep. He might have even dreamed but if he did he doesn’t remember it.

You sat up, pulling the sheet up under your arm pits, rolling your neck around to stretch it. Getting off the bed you grabbed your bra from the floor, asking Bucky for help to clasp it together. You still felt the soreness around your shoulder blade. Throwing on his t-shirt and sweatpants you offered to venture out and grab breakfast. Bucky got dressed and paced around the hotel room waiting for you to return. He suggested he go instead but you convinced him you would be less conspicuous in the daylight. He opened the curtains a little, watching the streets to await your return.

You came back quickly having found a small cafe on the corner, bringing containers of scrambled eggs, bacon, sausages and various pastries and breads with a side of jam, butter and sour cream along with cups of coffee. You ate in relative silence, unsure of what to say. You thought about your amazing night together but reality started to set in, Bucky would be leaving and you would have to face SHIELD and explain what happened. Bucky watched as you were mindlessly spreading jam on a piece of toast. He could see the worry on your face.

“Is everything okay Y/N?” he asked, reaching his hand out to yours.  
“Yeah… yeah, um I’m good,” you said, trying to convince yourself.

Bucky knew something was upsetting you but he didn’t want to push it. After eating Bucky went to take a shower. He glanced at you sitting on the bed, flashing him a bittersweet smile before he shut the door. You sat silently until you heard the water running and the probable sound of Bucky getting in before letting out a melancholy sigh.

This was it, the countdown has commenced. With every second that passes it feels like the air is getting thinner and you can’t breathe. You don’t want Bucky to go, you don’t want him to leave you. The tears sting your eyes as they drop down wetting your cheek. Part of you feels silly, wiping away the tears you’re shedding over someone you barely know but you can’t help it. You feel connected to him, like you’re both jagged puzzle pieces that don’t fit anywhere else in the world, except when they come together, their curves connecting perfectly like they had been made for each other.

If only you could hold onto to these moments a little longer. The sound of the water turning off signaled you to wipe your face again. You turned on the TV for some background noise to mask the sounds of your sniffling nose.

Bucky exited the bathroom with a towel wrapped dangerously low around his waist. He went to his duffel bag on the dresser, you couldn’t help but to look at him, trying to commit every inch of his body to memory, his broad shoulders and muscular back, the sinful trail of dark hair that went south from his navel, even the puckered flesh that surrounded his metal arm.

He turned around and you quickly looked away knowing you were caught. You stared at the television screen pretending to be engaged by the foreign broadcast. Bucky noticed the obvious signs that you were crying and he couldn’t stop himself, he needed to know what was troubling you.

He sat down next to you on the bed, “Y/N I know something is wrong. Please tell me? I want to help.”

You opened your mouth to speak but froze and sighed instead. What were you supposed to say? You looked up at him, with tears returning to the brim of your eyes. “It’s stupid.”

“I doubt that,” he stated, taking your hand into his.   
“It’s just that,” you stopped to take a deep breath, “I’m going to really miss you and I just… I just wish you didn’t have to go. I wish we could stay in this hotel forever and forget about the real world.”

Bucky wiped away a few tears that had escaped from your red eyes. He leaned his forehead against yours and shut his own eyes that burned with the threat of tears. “I want that too, but I have to go,” he lamented.

You pressed your forehead into his wanting the contact to linger for as long as it could. “I know,” you sadly accepted.   
Bucky cupped your cheeks in his hands, “But I don’t have to go yet.”

He slanted his lips over yours and kissed you passionately, consuming every whimper that left your lips as you wrapped your arms around him, cupping the back of his neck. Bucky laid you down on the bed, you ran your hands across his firm back as he held himself up above you. Strands of his damp hair fell in front of his face and you tucked them behind his ears, revealing his sparkling blue eyes gazing down upon you. You pulled him down towards you, finding comfort in the weight of his strong body flush against yours as you pressed your lips against his, ardently drawing out his blissful moans.

His thick erection pressed through the soft material of his towel against your aching core, you gasped pressing your legs together for some relief. Bucky yearned for more contact, lifting your shirt carefully over your head as he pressed his warm skin against your body, feeling your hard nipples press against him through your bra.

He leaned forward to kiss you, slipping his tongue inside as it met your own. He trailed open mouth kisses down to the crook of your neck as his hands slid down your sides until they met the fabric of the sweatpants and slowly pulled them off. Teasing your wet folds with his fingers, he rubbed them up and down before slipping one inside. You gasped feeling the coolness of his metal finger around your wet heat, moaning his name as another entered you. He curled them up to stroke your g-spot, as whimpers bubbled in your throat, squirming with delight under his touch. Your back arched when his thumb began rubbing circles on your clit, writhing beneath him as he brought your closer to the edge. The sound of his metal arm whirred in a furious pace, you cried his name out as your body trembled from its release. Bucky sucked his fingers into his mouth with a devilish smile, reveling your taste.

The knot of his towel had come undone revealing his rock hard length. He threw the towel to the side and you motioned him to lie on his back, grazing his thighs with your fingertips teasingly. You slowly kissed down his body from his neck to his chest, caressing his scarred skin. As you peppered sweet kisses along the rigid blemish Bucky couldn’t hold back a sincere smile, your actions meant more to him than you could ever know. You continued down his well-toned stomach, passing his sinful trail of dark hair until you wrapped your hands around his base and began to stroke him. 

You leaned down sliding your tongue along his shaft and the pulsing vein that ran along the underside of it. Repeating your actions you locked eyes with Bucky, this time swirling you tongue around his dripping head. You took him into your mouth and began suckling his smooth tip softly as Bucky threw his head back on the pillow and moaned. You started a steady rhythm bobbing your head up and down his hot length, taking more of him into your mouth each time. You hummed around him sending vibrations through his cock, looking up you saw his chest was heaving with his eyes shut tight with ecstasy. Bucky ran his hands through your hair, needing to hold on to something as he thrusted lightly into your mouth. You took him further, his tip now hitting the back of your throat as Bucky gripped your hair harder.

“Aghhh fffuckk,” he cried, his stomach muscles tensed as he was trying to stop himself from spilling inside your mouth. You released him with a pop. “Come here,” Bucky panted, pulling you back up to him. He grabbed your face pulling you into a kiss that was all teeth and tongue, wild and full of passion.

You straddled Bucky and began to rub your slick folds over his length, teasing him a few times before grabbing his base and slowly sinking down on him. You both let out a simultaneous moan as he filled you completely. Pressing your palms on his chest you began to rock your hips, slowly at first, before picking up speed that Bucky matched. He licked his thumb before pressing it to your sensitive clit. The quick orgasm caused you to slow your pace, and he groaned with pleasure as he felt your walls clench around him.

Bucky smiled at the glow of sunlight that haloed your body. “You’re so beautiful,” he said, his lips curved up into a soft smile.

He shifted forward, adjusting himself to sit up, and sucked on your neck while his hands unclasped your bra and tossed it away. Bucky latched his mouth on to your nipple, zealously sucking and licking the hardening nub as his hands kneaded your breasts. You slowly moved your hips, wrapping your hands around the nape of his neck to pull him into a tender kiss. 

You laid Bucky back again and began to rock your hips, this time in circular motions. He was entranced by the rhythm of your breasts bouncing above him. You intertwined both of your hands together, needing to hold on to him as the coil inside of you was winding tighter. Feeling your body tensing again Bucky began to meet your pace with thrusts of his own and that was all it took to let go. Waves of pleasure washed over you as you screamed his name. Bucky grunted and cried out for you too, his own orgasm triggered by your pulsating walls as he erupted inside of you.

You collapsed onto his chest panting heavily. Bucky brushed the hair away from your flushed face kissing your cheek. He wrapped his arms around your body as you both laid there, his now soft cock still inside of you.

You’ve never felt more connected; physically your breaths were synchronized, emotionally you felt whole with each other. You’re not sure how long you stayed in that position, neither wanted to move or let go. You stayed that way, skin pressed against each other for as long as you could.

After some time you reluctantly got up, resigned to your fates. Bucky helped you clasp your bra, stopping to place a few tender kisses on your neck and shoulders. You pulled up your jeans and went into the bathroom, grabbing your necklace that sparkled in the corner of the countertop where you had left it.

You took the black t-shirt Bucky had given you, it was dry but not entirely clean; you could still feel the stiffness of the fabric in some spots. You were about to put it on until Bucky took it from your hands. Despite his lack of possessions he insisted that you not wear the dirty, worn shirt. He handed you the white t-shirt you were previously wearing instead, helping you put in on as you thanked him.

You folded his sweatpants and placed them in his bag. Grabbing your backpack you looked around the room once more, taking as many mental pictures as you could before leaving. Staring at the bed you smiled but felt pain in your heart. This was goodbye.

You got to the car, checking the trunk first to see that everything was still secured there before slowly getting in. You gave Bucky a tight lipped smile before pulling out onto the main road. He instructed you to drive for a bit until you had pulled a few blocks away from a train station.

Turning off the engine you sat in silence, a few tears rolled down your cheek.  
“I don’t want you to go,” you sobbed.

Bucky didn’t say anything but he wanted to. He wanted to say he was wrong and that you should both go back to the hotel and never leave. He wanted to tell you that you’re the most incredible woman he’s ever known, strong and brave, but also funny and caring. You radiate beauty inside and out and he wants to stay with you forever. He wanted to live off your laughs and be nourished by your smile. He wanted to shut his eyes and know that you would be there when he opens them. He wanted to feel your touch on his skin and never let go. He felt whole with you and he wanted to stay. But he couldn’t have what he wanted.

He didn’t have a plan but he knew he needed to leave. There was always the threat of someone after him, Hydra, SHIELD, it didn’t matter; both roads would lead to his capture and he was not going to let that happen. He couldn’t bear the thought of anything happening to you and that’s the reason he focused on, that’s why he had to leave.

You both exited the car, your hands brushed the wetness off your cheeks but it did not stop the tears from flowing. You looked up at Bucky, “I…I want to know that you’re okay,” you softly requested.

He took your hands into his, “I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay but the past few days have made me the happiest in years and I won’t forget it.” He brought your hands up to kiss them. “I won’t forget you Y/N.”

You nodded your head in tearful acceptance. “I lo…” you stopped yourself. It would be silly to say that, you thought. You took a deep breath. “I have something for you,” you said instead.

You opened the door and grabbed the backpack, taking out the emergency phone for yourself. You nudged the bag towards him, “Take it, there’s money in there and some supplies.” Bucky wore the backpack and clipped the straps together across his chest earning the first smile you’ve had since you were in the hotel room.

You stared at him, taking in his features for the last time. Your heart was beating fast and you felt a strange sensation in the pit of your stomach. You weren’t exactly sure what it was but you knew it influenced your subsequent decision.

“And here,” you said, removing your necklace, placing it into the palm of his hand.  
His eyebrows creased and he shook his head in confusion, “Y/N what are you doing?”  
“Sell it. You’ll need the money.”  
“No, I won’t. This was your mother’s,” he said, trying to force the necklace back into your hands.  
“Bucky please, I want you to have it,” you insisted.

Bucky was touched by your gesture. He tucked the necklace into his front pocket and then wrapped his arms around you in a tight embrace. You cried into his chest as you hugged him back, not wanting to let go especially after feeling his soft lips place a kiss on your forehead. You pulled back from each other, noticing his eyes and nose were red. Bucky gently brushed away your tears again and leaned down to kiss you one last time.

The kiss was tender as your lips molded together, you couldn’t stop yourself from crying even in this moment. Bucky tasted the saltiness of your tears that found their way to your connected lips, but you still tried to convey every emotion through the kiss. You wanted him to feel just how much he meant to you even though you didn’t say it.

You gasped for breath and sniffled, your hands were still wrapped around him, eyes flooded with tears.  
“Thank you,” he whispered in your ear. You looked up to see his tear stained cheek.

You watched him cross the road and head towards the train station, not getting back in the car until his figure faded from view. Once you sat down the dam of tears burst. You were crying hard, red faced, unable to breathe. You felt the pain in your heart, broken and empty again. You pulled yourself together enough to drive away, tears still flowing steadily like a stream of endless sorrow.

When you were close to Belgrade you turned on the emergency phone. Pressing the only prompt available you waited as the call was quickly connected to SHIELD.


	8. Chapter 8

You were sitting on an uncomfortable examination table in a cold medical room whose harsh fluorescent lights hurt your swollen, tired eyes. You had arrived back to the Triskelion faster than you thought, though everything that happened after your phone call was a whirlwind.

You remembered driving back to the Red Star Rowing Club where you waited for the mission extraction team and cleanup crew. An agent you had never met before had to repeat his question to you which you hadn’t heard. You had zoned out, staring past him towards the storage garage where you and Bucky hid before the fight. The tears came flowing out again,  _or did they ever stop?_  you wondered. Swallowing hard to answer the agent and realizing he had asked about Matt all you could say was “apartment.”

The creak of the door alerted you to look up. A pretty woman walked in, wearing a teal dress under a white lab coat that complemented her warm brown skin. She introduced herself as Dr. Calderon. You didn’t reply out loud, too preoccupied with the various trains of thought racing through your head. The doctor handed you a gown to change into so she could examine you. This was standard procedure after every mission but you felt anxious. Knowing debriefing was next you just wanted to get it all over with.

You nodded in response and she left the room. Placing the clothes you were wearing beside you, you stared fondly at the white t-shirt, bringing it up to your nose and inhaling. It smelled like Bucky and you choked on a sob, wondering how long his calming scent will last before it fades away. How long will it take for the void he left in your heart to heal? You gently placed the shirt next to you again and waited.

Dr. Calderon came back in, noticing the tears dripping down your cheek. “I’m sorry, I know this must be hard for you,” she said, trying to comfort you. She asked permission to begin her examination and you nodded in approval.

She took your vitals, listened to your heavy breaths, and heard the rhythmic beating of your broken heart. Everything was normal, on the outside. Dr. Calderon opened the back of the gown and removed the bandage that covered your shoulder blade. She inspected the wound and commented that it’s already healing nicely.

“Unfortunately the scar will be pretty noticeable but there are things you can do to help it fade.” You smiled, happy to have the scar and keep the memory of Bucky etched on your skin forever.

When the exam was over Dr. Calderon opened the door and let in a tall man who introduced himself as Agent Zohn. He brought you a bag with something to change into and offered to discard your old clothing. Reaching his hand out towards the shirt your eyes widened and you couldn’t help but to scream in protest.

“NO!! Just…no, I’ll keep them… sorry,” you stammered, trying your best to cover up you outburst.  _Stay focused_ , you reminded yourself.

You changed into the SHIELD issued clothing, an oversized t-shirt and dark sweatpants, both emblazoned with the company’s logo. It was a relief to know you wouldn’t have to wear your tight jeans again. You placed your clothes in the bag, gently folding Bucky’s shirt and placing it on top.

Agent Zohn lead you to the elevator and pressed the button for a floor you never expected to visit. Your stomach was turning in knots as Floor 27 was typically reserved for interrogations. You’re not sure what they know but you’re going to do everything you can to protect Bucky.

The doors opened revealing steel blue walls, it was dark except for a lighting fixture every 10 feet or so. Several rooms divided the space making it feel much smaller than the rest of the building. You entered through a mahogany door into a cramped room. There was a small steel table with accompanying chair that faced a mirror, two-way of course; a pendant light hung from above.

Agent Zohn asked if he could bring you anything. You stared at him without answering, trying to think if you’ve had anything to eat lately, not that you think you really could eat. He interrupted your silent thoughts and offered to bring water and a sandwich and so you thanked him.

You picked apart pieces of a dry turkey sandwich while waiting for your superiors to arrive. After what seemed like an hour the door finally opened again. Director Singh greeted you warmly, offering condolences for Agent Walker. He introduced another person, Agent Milner, a hard looking woman with a stocky build.

“Agent Milner wants to go through the timeline with you so we can figure out what happened alright?” Director Singh asked, as if you had a choice.

He left the room, presumably to join countless others in the adjacent room so they could comment on your explanations in private. You knew all of your actions were going to be judged so you tried to be mindful of them.

You began your account starting from the last email sent to Director Singh, Goran Boskovich was going to take Matt to hopefully meet Josif and Marko Petrovic. You explained that you were waiting for Matt’s call and began preparing until someone broke into the apartment. Milner cocked her head with intrigue.

“I was subdued until the person left,” you continued.  
Agent Milner asked the question you wanted to avoid answering.  
“Sergeant James Barnes,” you replied, trying to hide the struggle in your voice.

Agent Milner turned towards the mirror before facing you again.  
“The Winter Soldier broke into your apartment? Why was he there?”  
“No, I said it was Sergeant Barnes,” you firmly said. “He thought SHIELD was onto his location and he wanted to get information on how much he thought we knew.”

Agent Milner gestured for you to continue and so you did, tearfully explaining Matt’s death and Bucky returning to help you. Agent Milner asked her questions in a rapid fire style, barely giving you time to pause between answers.

“Whose bag was on the fire escape filled with food and clothes?” “Was it his?” “Why’d he leave it?” “Why did he come back?” “Why would the Winter Solider risk his life for you?”

You corrected Milner again, replying that Sergeant Barnes is a decent person who wasn’t going to let you be killed. You explained the deal you made with him and the ensuing fight at the Rowing Club. The questions didn’t stop but you tried to remain calm despite your nerves brewing a storm beneath your skin.

“Where did you go after you left the apartment?” “Why didn’t he just kill you and leave?” “Why didn’t you call SHIELD?”

You saw her demeanor change, her red face frowned even more than before, grinding her teeth in a cringe worthy manner. Agent Milner slammed her fists down on the metal table, the sound echoed through the small room. “How could you let The Winter Soldier go?!” she screamed.

The loud sound caused you to jump out of the chair. You slammed your own fists on the table in retaliation, spitting back to Agent Milner, “He is NOT the Winter Soldier!!” You regretted screaming but you couldn’t hear her call him that anymore.

Sitting down you took a breath and gulped down your water bottle. “Sergeant Barnes saved my life and I owed it to him. My mission was to stop the Hammer tech from getting into the hands of the Ten Rings. With Bucky’s help I did that.”

Agent Milner squinted her eyes at you.  _Shit! Why did you say his nickname?_

Milner asked you to explain what happened after the weapons were secured. This is where you embellished the truth, saying that Bucky made you drive, getting on and off the highway, go back and forth in dizzying directions to throw you off. When you were asked to explain the large gap of time between the fight and your call to SHIELD you said that you had driven for most of the night and gotten off the highway somewhere near the border of Kosovo as the dawn was breaking through the sky. You lied again saying that you both fell asleep in the car for a few hours and when you woke up he was gone.

Milner walked behind you getting uncomfortably close, sticking her face right beside your cheek. She was close enough for you to smell the tuna salad this woman had clearly eaten for lunch.

“You’re lying,” she declared in a condescending tone. She walked around to the front of the table, leaning her weight on her outstretched arms staring at your. “There’s something you aren’t telling me.”   
“I told you everything and I’m not lying,” you replied, staring back without faltering.

The door opened and Director Singh entered, diffusing the tension that had built up. He insisted that was enough for today and told you that Agent Zohn would be escorting you home. You gripped the bag with Bucky’s shirt tightly in your hands and walked out of the room feeling the burn of Agent Milner’s eyes on your back.

You and Agent Zohn waited for the elevator when a commotion of loud voices caused you to turn around. Looking down the hallway you froze like a deer in headlights. Your eyes were locked with the wistful gaze of Steve Rogers.   
You held your breath as the elevator doors opened and you were ushered inside.

* * *

A few weeks had passed and you were heading back to work. You looked yourself over in the mirror quickly, smoothing out your hair before grabbing your bag and heading towards the front door of your apartment. You stopped in front of the table in the foyer to grab your car keys. Instead, you picked up a small yellow card that was leaning up against the base of lamp.

                          In Loving Memory of Matthew Patrick Walker

You frowned as you looked at Matt’s beaming smile staring back at you while the dates of his short-lived life were permanently etched in your mind. You read the religious prayer underneath, hoping it would give you some comfort but it never did. He shouldn’t have died, it wasn’t fair.

Locking the door you drove to work in silence, anxious at the thought of facing your co-workers again. You saw them briefly at the funeral, a few of them spoke with you, hugging you in sympathy. You remembered some of Matt’s closest friends being there, Agents Li, Dunn and Sweeney. They all sat together, turning their heads back towards you. They never said anything but each time they looked back you felt worse, as if you were being silently scolded. You went home after the service but not before spending some tear filled moments with Matt’s family. They invited you to join them at the restaurant they were going to, of course they would, they were just as kind hearted as Matt, even on this day. You declined, your guilt made you feel sick and you wanted nothing more than to go home and to sleep away the rest of the day.

You drove into the employee parking lot and took a moment to yourself before heading into the building. You were happy to be back at work having spent far too much time alone with your thoughts. You hoped that working again and keeping busy would help distract from the memories of the mission and to stop thinking about Bucky.

Though nothing came from Agent Milner’s intense questioning it was decided that you were on desk duty for a few months before you would be cleared for active missions again. After everything that happened you were more than happy to have the threat of a paper cut be the only injury you would have to watch out for. You kept to yourself mostly. Some of your co-workers tried to make small talk, others shot you looks of disdain. You also heard whispers about “The Winter Soldier” and the rumors that ensued were everything from him being the contact with the Petrovic brothers to being the cause of Matt’s death. You stayed quiet, as Director Singh had instructed to be, but you wanted to scream Bucky’s innocence over the building wide PA system.

You made it through the first day back. It wasn’t hard but it also wasn’t easy. Not being able to curb the rumors about Bucky made you really upset. However, the prospect of picking up Thai food on the way home excited you.  _It’s the little things, right?_  You had been thinking about it all day, your lunch went relatively untouched as you had tried to force yourself into your old workaholic routine but it didn’t work; this paperwork did not require overtime.

Throwing your keys on the entry table along with the mail you kicked off your heels as you continued to walk into your apartment, dropping your handbag and the takeout food on the kitchen counter. Your growling stomach forced you to eat right now rather than wait the few minutes it would take to slip into pajamas. You opened the refrigerator door to grab a bottle of sparkling water. As you turned around you screamed, dropping the plastic bottle on the floor, when you saw a large man standing over you.

You exhaled deeply after taking a few seconds to register who the figure in your kitchen was.

“Captain Rogers, you scared me!” you panted, your hand still clutching your chest. “Did you break into my apartment?”   
He didn’t reply but obviously you knew the answer.  
“We need to talk… about Bucky,” he said, his clear blue eyes fixed directly on you.  
“I told SHIELD everything. You were there.”  
“Yeah, well I’m not SHIELD. I know there’s more,” he retorted.  
“You’re wrong.”  
“You’re lying!” he yelled, roughly pushing you against the wall.

You hissed in pain, reaching your hand towards your shoulder. You stared at him with a pained expression, Steve apologized and backed away from you, ashamed by his overzealous actions. He bent down to pick up the shaken beverage, fizzing with bubbles, ready to explode if opened. The bottle seemed to represent your shared feelings, on edge and bursting within but you couldn’t do it. You didn’t want to fight with him, you certainly would not win physically and you were too emotionally drained to keep up the facade.

“Are you hungry?” you asked, hoping to diffuse the potential explosion.

Steve shook his head no and carefully watched as you opened the brown paper bag that contained your dinner, leaning over the counter as you began to eat.

“What do you want to know?” you asked with candor.  
Steve had so many questions he wanted to ask but he went with the first one in his heart, “How is he?”  
“He’s good,” you smiled feeling a rush of happiness wash over you. You were glad to be able to speak about Bucky in a positive way to somebody who would understand. “He’s taking care of himself.”

Steve asked you to recount your story and this time you added more details you did not think were necessary for SHIELD to know. You told him that Bucky had been in Belgrade for a few months taking shelter in abandoned houses, that he showered in the apartment after breaking in, that he came back to thank you for letting him go without telling SHIELD.

You paused, staring down at your fork twirling through the noodles of your Pad Thai as you tried to keep it together reminiscing about Bucky. You didn’t see Steve’s lips turn up in appreciation for your kindness towards his best friend.

“Where is he now?” Steve asked with a hint of desperation in his voice.  
“I don’t know. I drove him to a train station and he left.” You watched all the features on Steve’s face drop. “I don’t think he wanted me to know… you know, in case someone broke into my apartment to try to get information out of me,” you teased.  
Steve chuckled. “Yeah I suppose you’re right. Doesn’t mean I won’t stop looking for him.”

Steve turned around to leave, this time through the front door.   
“He needs time,” you said, stopping Steve in his tracks. “He’s processing a lot, everything that happened to him, being in this world. He just needs some time,” you finished.  
“I’m sorry for breaking in,” he said bluntly before leaving.

Rehashing the memories of Bucky made you feel sick with worry. You trusted Steve more than SHIELD but not enough to tell him everything. You hoped he was far enough away by now and back in hiding.

* * *

Your workload remained the same and it was not enough to keep your active mind at bay. Not only were you thinking about Bucky but now you had to worry about Steve going after him and the even more frightening scenario, what if he finds him? What if he brings him back but Bucky wouldn’t want to see you?

 _Ughh focus on this stupid paperwork instead_ , you scolded yourself. Laying your head on your desk you shut your tired eyes. Sleep hasn’t come easily for you lately so even a few minutes of quiet here would help.

You snapped your head up after hearing the magic word, “Hydra.” It wasn’t unusual to hear their name but it’s what preceded it that caused your heart to race. “Y/N’s Hydra.” You turned your head to listen to a group of coworkers talking about you.

“That’s why she let The Winter Soldier escape!” the same voice continued.  
“It makes sense. Maybe SHIELD didn’t truly weed every last Hydra scum out of here,” a man’s voice said.  
“Honestly I think she killed Matt,” a woman’s voice said in a snobbish tone. The group gasped at her accusation. “Think about it. Y/N’s always been distant and now that she’s back she isn’t even working cases. Director Singh knows she killed him, he’s just waiting for proof before they can arrest her treacherous ass.”

The tears rushed to your eyes, all other noises deafened around you, hearing only the pounding sound of your rapid heartbeat pulsing in your ears. You grabbed your bag and got up from your desk, walking at a furious pace towards the bathroom trying to contain the tears that threatened to spill. Once you entered the thankfully empty room you headed straight for a stall and bent over, emptying the contents of your stomach.

You let the sink run before splashing the cool water on your face, feeling the burn from the heat of your cheeks. Your head was pounding, stomach still uneasy, your nerves felt like they would never settle. The clicking of your heels on the tile floor echoed throughout the room as you paced back and forth. You emailed Director Singh from your phone letting him know you were sick and leaving for the rest of the day. You hesitated before sending the email, wondering if any of the eavesdropped conversation could be true. Does everybody think you killed Matt? Does Director Singh? Maybe that’s why Matt’s friends were practically giving you death stares at the funeral.

You left work and drove to one of your favorite spots in D.C., Constitution Gardens, a small island surrounded by a large pond, hidden in the National Mall. You sat on a bench that offered an amazing view of the Washington Monument protruding through the trees whose leaves were painted in a mix of rust, pumpkin and gold.

A gust of wind made you shiver, wrapping your cardigan around you tighter and rubbing your arms for more warmth you watched a group of ducks dip their heads in the water and lazily swim across the pond. You felt incredibly relaxed here. It was easy to get lost in the landscape especially during this time of year. You stayed there for a while, breathing in the crisp air until you decided to leave at a reasonable time to beat the D.C. traffic.

You were early for your appointment with Dr. Weinstein, the psychologist SHIELD mandated you to see for 6 weeks. He was helping you process what happened on the last mission and evaluating your efficiency for future ones. You saw him weekly and found yourself being open with him discussing your feelings. Well, most feelings. You didn’t bring up how you felt about Bucky, except when mentioning gratitude for his help. After your interrogation with Agent Milner you were very careful on how you acted when Bucky came up. You also felt it wasn’t necessary to let him or SHIELD know about Steve’s surprise visit.

You sat across from Dr. Weinstein, a short stout man with thin framed glasses and balding grey hair with a kind smile.   
“How are you doing this week Y/N?”

You tried to speak, opening your mouth but the words were caught like a lump in your throat, you broke down crying instead. You secured the tissue box in your lap as you repeated the conversation you overheard today. Dr. Weinstein asked how these comments made you feel, jotting down your responses for his future report. He offered suggestions on how to speak to your coworkers if you chose to. You knew he was there to judge you in a way on behalf of SHIELD, but you felt like he really did care about your well-being.

You always felt comfortable telling him the truth, how lately you’ve been feeling really down and tired, your lack of a full night’s sleep mixed with tossing and turning is making your back achy.

“Do you believe you’re depressed?” he asked sincerely.

It’s a simple question and it’s crossed your mind that you’ve maybe _felt_ depressed recently, but you were scared, not wanting to commit to the diagnosis. You assumed your feelings were related to the trauma of everything that happened but maybe he’s right. The more you think about it you admit you’ve probably been depressed since your father’s death. Dr. Weinstein scribbled furiously on his pad once you opened up about that memory.

* * *

You drove to work thankful that it was Friday. You had approached your coworkers regarding the gossip they were spreading, but it didn’t help. More rumors came out each week, you just never caught them doing it. You pulled up to the gate and were greeted by Frank the older security guard. He was wearing a cheap blonde wig and a red bed sheet tied around his neck into a cape, he attempted his best English accent as he welcomed you to the “lot of parking.” You laughed at his makeshift Thor costume earning your first genuine smile in weeks. You made a mental note to pick up candy after work for the trick-or-treaters that would be ringing your doorbell tomorrow.

Coming back from lunch you found something foreign on your desk. You picked up the object, a plastic skull mask that was spray painted red. A red skull. There was a printed note beside the mask that said “Hail Hydra.” You took the items and barged into Director Singh’s office, demanding that he intervene.

A few weeks had passed and you were thankful that the rumors had stopped but you didn’t feel any better. Every night you continued to struggle for sleep, finding it hard to turn off your brain. You woke up tired and achy, and late for work more times than not.

Your required sessions with Dr. Weinstein were ending soon and he wanted to continue his services with you afterwards. He spoke more about your depression and suggested looking into medication. You had been a little hesitant to this idea at first but decided to do some research. You sat in the cafeteria, phone in hand as you scrolled through information on various medications.

Reading the never ending list of potential side effects you frowned, sniffing around for the unpleasant odor that had found its way into your nose. You turned to see Casey, an agent recently back from her own mission abroad, eating a chicken salad sandwich.

Covering your nose you turned your head away from the scent but it didn’t stop your mouth from watering, protecting itself in preparation if you threw up. You left the cafeteria quickly for some fresh air and that helped you feel better.

You went back to your desk, leaving grease stains on the keyboard as you went back and forth between typing and sticking your hand in a bag of chips. You attributed your excessive junk food intake as a regular part of depression and hoped that you would feel better once you were on medication. Maybe it would give you the motivation to go back to the gym and lose the few pounds you gained.

The artificial yellow lighting that normally enveloped your desk had diminished. You looked up from your computer to figure out why and instead found three tall men surrounding your desk.

“Do you even know what today is?” Agent Dunn rudely asked you.  
You squinted in confusion.  
“It’s Matt’s birthday!” Agent Li snapped.   
“He would have been 31 if it wasn’t for you!” Agent Sweeney said, his voice seething with rage.

You were speechless. You looked at his memorial card every day but it hadn’t registered with you. They continued to mutter things under their breath and you couldn’t hear it anymore. “That’s enough!” you screamed.

Grabbing your things you stormed away from them. You went to the parking lot, scrambling in your bag for your keys but stopped when you looked up at your car. The driver’s side door had been defaced, spray painted with a crude version of the Hydra symbol.

You stared at the image, defeated, with a lump caught in your throat. You couldn’t breathe, it felt like each of the tentacles were reaching out and squeezing you. You felt trapped in a never ending cycle of rumors, gossip and bullying. In this moment you wished you followed Bucky, running away with him wherever he had gone. What did you come back to anyway? There was nothing for you here besides your job. You left your car there and called a cab, waiting near Frank’s security booth to be picked up.

“Chin up dear. It’ll be okay,” he assured you. You managed a half-hearted smile, appreciating his sentiment. You wanted to believe him but couldn’t, you felt broken, again.

The cab drove you to Constitution Gardens. Your eyes closed as you listened to the sounds around you; the splashing of ducks in the pond, birds chirping, the occasional huffs of a passing jogger. You sat there mulling over your options. Should you move departments? Quit SHIELD altogether? Stay in D.C.?

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of woman trying to soothe a crying baby. You stared at them, watching the woman gently rock the infant in her arms, lovingly pacifying the baby back to sleep. She caught you staring at her, you smiled in return but felt embarrassed being caught, diverting your gaze back to the pond. The sound of the stroller rolling on the pavement made you look over again, watching them casually walk away. You stared for a moment before being stricken with panic. Your face went as red as the leaves surrounding you as you tried to remember the last time you got your period.


	9. Chapter 9

The world stood still as your mouth hung open, staring down at the pink plus sign, every emotion running through your body at once; shock, fear, glee. You felt relieved discovering an explanation for the way you’d been feeling over the last 6 weeks. You were on birth control, well when you remembered to take it, missing your doses frequently thanks to a combination of forgetfulness and pure exhaustion from the mission.

You called out of work the next day, telling Director Singh he should take a look at your car in the lot if he had any issue with your absence. Your train of thought raced furiously around your head all day as you scrambled for a plan. If you kept the baby you would absolutely incite more rumors at work and you were already at your breaking point. Keep the baby? Get rid of the baby? Your baby.  _Bucky’s_  baby. You cried mixed tears of joy and sorrow.

Bucky was out there, somewhere in this big world, and you hoped he was safe and happy. Sometimes you imagined him being settled in somewhere, that the necklace got him enough money to do so. You pictured him living near a small fishing port in The Netherlands or perhaps he’s on a hillside in Greece, overlooking the breathtaking blue/green waters of the Aegean Sea. You hated the idea of him always being on the run. His mind was never at rest, constantly wrestling with his past. You just wanted him to find peace, he deserved it. He was out there, at peace in your mind, while you were here carrying the baby he would never know existed.

You went back to work on Monday and met with Director Singh. He apologized for the harassment you received. Video footage showed Agent Sweeney had spray painted your car and several agents had been fired due to their involvement. Nevertheless you told him you were done, unable to cope with the events that happened on the mission and the subsequent bullying since your return.

As you left the Triskelion for the final time you beamed with delight. It was time for a fresh start. You laughed as the cab drove away from the large building whose floors housed spies and secrets. You rubbed your stomach knowing your own secret was safe.

* * *

 _Beep, beep, beep._  The oven sounded as it was heated to the set temperature. You placed a pan inside, salmon and asparagus that you quickly prepared in between doing the dishes and a few loads of laundry. Sitting down on your soft couch you sunk into the cushions for a few moments, savoring any time you had for rest no matter how brief. You looked around, amazed to see how much your life had changed in a year.

You left D.C. for Bay Ridge, Brooklyn and purchased a small townhome thanks to a large settlement from SHIELD. Still concerned with their image they did not see the need for a nationwide news story about the hostile work environment and continuous bullying you had endured. You were happy to be away from them and in Brooklyn. It was a deliberate choice, making you feel close to Bucky even though he was not there.

Your home was longer than it was wide but it never felt claustrophobic. Exposed brick ran along the wall closest to the front door. A fresh coat of taupe covered the walls, with crisp white on the trim. The kitchen was newly decorated with a small but beautiful marble top island. Upstairs were 2 bedrooms and a full bathroom. The basement was unfinished and currently a mess. There was not enough storage upstairs and you never seemed to find the time to assemble the additional shelving unit that patiently waited for you. For now there were random piles around the room but you had a good sense of what each one consisted of. Some were boxes you hadn’t unpacked now collecting a fair share of dust in the corner. The washer and dryer were in the other corner, the convenience of having them downstairs was great, especially with their frequent use. The side door led to a small fenced in backyard with patchy grass and overgrown weeds but these were issues to deal with next Spring.

You worked from home, handling customer service calls for a conglomerate of companies. It wasn’t exciting, not like your days at SHIELD, but you couldn’t have asked for a better job when it came to the hours and flexibility. You had a lot of adjusting to do when it came to your schedule recently so being able to stay at home and work around your needs was a huge relief.

While finishing washing the dishes created from dinner you were startled by your neighbor’s dog Rocco, the little terrier mix barked at everything. You laughed at the sound of his owner Donna, screaming at him to be quiet. She seemed to be louder than he was.

After hearing a loud bang outside your heart began to race. You swiftly retrieved the gun you kept locked in your desk, cocking it and carefully walking with your back against the wall towards the staircase. Your head constantly turned, looking between the front and side doors.

The distant sound of a jiggling doorknob alerted you that the side door was being opened. You positioned yourself on the stairs, arms raised steadily in between the banisters taking in a deep breath as the door creaked open. Your heart was pumping fast, finger on the trigger ready to pull until you recognized the familiar face that peeked its way in.

His blond hair poked out as he turned from the small corner, standing tall in a dark blue shirt that brought out his eyes even from a distance.

“Steve?”  
“Hi Y/N. It’s been a long time.” He flashed a small smile as he stood by the door.

You told him to stay put as you locked the gun away, making sure your blinds were closed and turning off all the lights except for a dimmed floor lamp in the living room. Steve stepped further inside once you nodded for him, assuring the privacy you would have.

“Is there something about me that makes people want to break in?” you joked, shaking your head in comic disbelief.  
“Sorry about that. I’m not exactly able to walk through the front door these days.”  
“So I’ve heard. Captain America, a fugitive. Guess you didn’t fly in to JFK?”   
Steve smiled, his long eyelashes gently touched the tops of his cheeks as he shut his eyes and chuckled.

Your stomach unknotted itself as the rest of your body attempted to relax again, though you still felt a little uneasy. You were happy to see Steve, despite your previous less than welcoming encounter, but he was alone and that disappointed you. A lot has changed since you last saw each other. The Avengers were in the middle of a sociopolitical disaster, The Sokovia Accords. There had been countless articles supporting both sides, but after the bombing of the U.N. more people sided in favor of them.

“It wasn’t him,” Steve said, as if he could read your mind.  
“I never believed it was.” He smiled at your response. Steve had come to understand just how much you cared for Bucky and he appreciated it.  

“How is he?” you desperately asked. Steve answered, telling you Bucky was safe. You chewed on your bottom lip in frustration as you nodded your head, replying that you were happy to hear that, and you were. You wanted him to be safe but you also wanted him to be here.

“You’re not with SHIELD anymore,” he said matter-of-factly.  
You replied simply stating that you couldn’t be there anymore.   
“It took a while to track you down. Brooklyn huh?” he chuckled. “There’s something I need to…”

Steve is interrupted by a foreign sound. He looked over to the counter, spotting a small silver speaker, looking back at you in shock as he heard the piercing sound of a baby crying.

You nodded for him to follow you up the stairs, he was dumbfounded as you softly called out, “Don’t worry sweetie. Mommy’s coming.”

You turned on the light in the smaller bedroom. Pale grey covered the walls with lilac accents throughout the room, including ruffled window curtains, a throw pillow on the nursery chair, and a geometric print changing pad. A white bookcase displayed pictures and stuffed animals. Above the crib was a set of canvas wrapped prints; a purple crescent moon with the text “I Love You to the Moon and Back”. Next to it was a large grey star and “When You Wish Upon a Star” written underneath.

Steve looked around the room in disbelief until his eyes locked on the tiny baby cradled now cradled in your arms. He smiled but remained speechless.

“Steve, meet Avery,” you said as you laid the baby down on the changing table.

Steve gazed upon the little girl, who quieted down after being embraced by her mother. Wisps of dark hair swept over her head, her bright eyes stared back at the strange new face, a big smile accentuated the plumpness of her cheeks.

“She’s beautiful,” he replied. “So this is why you left SHIELD,” he remarked.

While changing Avery’s diaper you answered him, “Amongst other issues but yes. I couldn’t have them find out about her, especially if they knew she was… Bucky’s,” you sighed looking over to him. Steve nodded in silent understanding, now recognizing the familiar eye color that stared back at him.

You smiled at Avery, a beautiful mixture of your and Bucky’s features. Kissing her forehead you laid her back down in her crib, a twinkling nightlight scattered the glow of stars around the room as you and Steve quietly left to head back downstairs to talk more.

“How old is she?” he asked. You looked up at Steve with an innocent smile.   
“Five months next week, on the 23rd,” you said as the corners of your lips turned up.

Your mind drifted back to this past June. You were on your way out to pick up some groceries when you felt severe pain in your lower abdomen. Not wanting to take any chances you called for an ambulance and were rushed to the hospital. You did the very best you could to stay calm for the baby. The doctor determined that the placenta had partially separated from your uterine lining. Since you were just about full term you underwent an emergency C-section to prevent complications to the baby.

You cried with concern as you were prepped by the nurses, thinking about all of the possible outcomes for the baby. You choked on more sobs when they asked if there was anyone they could contact. No, there wasn’t anyone to call, not your parents, not the baby’s father. You were alone and scared. A sweet nurse named Sumana comforted you and calmed you down so you could receive a spinal block.

Sumana held your hand throughout the procedure and you were grateful for it. A small sheet had been placed below your chest so you could not see the doctors working. You didn’t feel any pain just a lot of pressure and discomfort. Squeezing the hand of a stranger definitely helped, you tried not to focus on the fact that you were being gutted like a fish. Soon the loud wailing cries of your baby filled the room and the doctors remarked that she was healthy and had strong lungs.

You blurted out your first thoughts, “Her father was strong,” you cried as bittersweet tears rolled down your cheeks. You wished Bucky was there to meet his little girl. You wiped away your tears before another nurse placed the tiny baby down against your chest. Sumana offered to take photos on with your phone and was the first to ask what the baby’s name would be.

“I wish he could be here,” Steve sighed. “It’s just difficult, for everyone now.”  
You heard the strain in his voice. “I understand. I don’t want to keep this from him, but I also don’t want him to feel obligated to be in her life. This wasn’t planned and I get that…”  
Steve interrupted you placing his hand on your shoulder with a comforting squeeze. “Things are complicated right now Y/N.”

He briefed you on the events that transpired from finding Bucky in Romania, fighting at a German airport to the emotional fight against Tony Stark. You wept upon finding out Bucky was back in cryostasis, though part of you felt happy in some way knowing it was his decision. He deserved the right to make his own choices.

Steve took your hand into his, “Bucky still cares about you.”

He reached into his pocket and placed something small and cold into your palm. Your brows were knit together until you recognized what was in your hand, your mother’s necklace.

“And I’m going to do my best to bring him back here, for both of you,” he finished.

You cried, staring at the diamond that sparkled even in the dim lighting. This necklace could have given Bucky a better chance of survival and instead he held onto it, something tangible of yours that he could touch and remember you by. You hugged Steve and thanked him for risking his freedom to come to talk to you, vowing again that he will bring Bucky back. Steve left, this time slipping past the vigilance of Rocco, with even more determination to bring his best friend home.

You put the necklace on, thinking back on the story your father told about the first date with your mother. When you thought about Bucky you felt it, that unmistakable feeling deep within. You regretted not telling him that you loved him before you parted ways. You believed in Steve’s promise, holding out hope that you’ll be able to tell Bucky one day.

For now you feel it every time you look at your daughter, the product of a chance meeting between two people who were destined to come together, dissolving the emptiness they felt and replacing it with a sense of belonging. You’ll be reminded of the one truth you know, with all of your heart you love Bucky Barnes.  


	10. Chapter 10

The weather was unusually warm for April and you were sweating through your shirt as you anxiously rushed home from the doctor’s office with Avery. She was 10 months old now and more active than ever. Her pediatrician marveled at her, she was hitting all of her developmental milestones faster than the average pace. You couldn’t voice your theory but you had a feeling that whatever serum Bucky was injected with may have had some effect on her as well. Hopefully it doesn’t cause anything too alarming, the last thing you want is SHIELD involved in your life again, especially not your child’s.

Your little girl was growing up fast, she had 8 teeth so far and she flashed a smile every chance she could. She had medium brown hair which curled right past her tiny ears, and blue eyes that sparkled as she looked up at you, determined to turn her babbles into sentences and she was almost there. She understood a lot of words and actions, and her coordination was improving every day. She was currently leaning on a small activity table, it had various buttons to press that would light up or make sound, gears to turn and an interactive phone that Avery loved to put to her ear to emulate her mom.

With your hair tied up sloppily you began to straighten up the house before interrupting yourself to take a video of Avery bopping around and dancing to the music she enabled from the play table. Your face lit up watching your little girl, adding this latest video to the massive collection on your phone.

You were incredibly nervous but excited. Steve had contacted you over a month ago and when he said he would be sneaking Bucky over you thought you were dreaming. You tried not to focus on their travels, hoping that they would be able to get here safely. Steve knew it was a risk to come back, especially bringing Bucky, but he knew he had to. Bucky was healthy again and he deserved to meet his daughter.

Bucky found refuge in Wakanda for over a year, most of which he wasn’t awake for. King T’Challa had assembled a team of the most qualified doctors and scientists, to work on his mind and arm respectively. After coming out of cryo Bucky was fitted with a new prosthetic made of vibranium. After a few months of various cognitive therapies and a little help from Wanda Maximoff’s mental manipulation Bucky was finally stable.

Bucky spent his birthday quietly in his room with Steve coming in to celebrate his best friend’s big day, it was  _technically_  his 100th and Steve promised an equally big gift to match this occasion. When Steve later told Bucky they would be leaving for New York he was apprehensive considering their fugitive status, but Steve insisted upon the trip. T’Challa had helped arrange their covert entry back to the states.

They were arriving tonight, sometime after 11pm with the cover of darkness. You couldn’t believe it, you never imagined seeing Bucky again. It didn’t feel real— it wouldn’t, not until Bucky was in front of you again. Your stomach fluttered with anticipation.

A few hours had passed by and the house was finally clean. Avery was fed and washed and now laying in her crib as you sung her a lullaby. Leaving the room you headed straight into the shower. There was a good few hours before Steve and Bucky were set to arrive. Despite feeling so jittery you took your time in the shower. Smelling the apricot conditioner as you ran it through your hair you reminisced about Bucky doing the same back when he showered in your Belgrade apartment. The prospect of new memories with Bucky made your heart flutter.

You stayed in your bathrobe for a while, letting your hair dry naturally as you tweezed some stray hairs under your eyebrows. You changed into a loose grey v-neck shirt, dark jeans that were cuffed above the ankle, and a pair of white converse sneakers. You debated putting on makeup mainly because you really didn’t want to take it off, instead you settled on a light coat of mascara and some pressed powder to cover the bags under your eyes. Grabbing your necklace off the nightstand you put it on, briefly touching the diamond and smiled.

The clock flashed half past nine and you huffed in frustration, there was still a lot of time before Steve and Bucky would show up. You made something quick to eat even though your stomach felt like it was in knots. The house was prepped, all of the blinds were shut and you unlocked the side door. Donna was away for the week so there wouldn’t be any chance of Rocco alerting the neighborhood of the guys sneaking in.  

You finally sat down on the couch with tablet in hand as you kept busy between paying bills, taking useless Buzzfeed quizzes and half paying attention to Netflix. You noticed it was a little after 11pm so you put the tablet down and waited, checking your appearance in the mirror as you anticipated how the conversation with Bucky would play out. There was so much you wanted to say to him. It’s been just over a year and a half since you parted ways and you really didn’t know where to begin. You went back and forth with everything, every little detail of what you wanted to say and how you should tell him about Avery.

The sound of the side door opening made you jump up, tugging at your clothes to make sure you look alright. Steve’s voice carried into the room, you heard him leading Bucky inside and telling him to be quiet.

“Just tell me when I can open my eyes pal,” Bucky laughed.  Oh his voice, the sound of his velvety smooth tone with the subtle touch of husk underneath, God how you missed it.

You stared at Bucky with your mouth hanging open in shock. He was here. He was  _actually_  here! He was much broader than when you last saw him, his chest and arms were significantly larger and yet he still looked so soft. His hair was slicked back, and his face was still covered in familiar scruff just like when you parted. He was wearing a dark blue shirt under his jacket with dark grey jeans and black boots. He looked happy, smiling as he waited for instructions from his friend. You looked at Steve and smiled, nodding your head silently to let him know you were ready.

“Okay Buck, open them,” Steve said, as he grinned from ear to ear.

Bucky opened his eyes and looked at you standing in front of him. It took him a few seconds to focus and truly realize before he spoke, “Y/N?!” he gasped.

He took a large step forward before he was practically on top of you, wrapping his large frame around your body. Your face was scrunched tight, tears cascading from your eyes as you called his name. “I never thought I’d see you again,” you cried, locking your arms around his waist.

Your face was buried in his chest, enveloped by his scent which had long since faded on the t-shirt you kept of his. Bucky kissed the top of your head and smiled as he was equally immersed in your familiar scent, the wafting smell of apricot he had long since forgotten, now a welcomed return that comforted him.

You looked up at him, smiling through your tears. Bucky cupped your face in his hands and you leaned your cheek into his metal one, remembering its cool sensation on your warm skin. He leaned down to capture your lips in a kiss. You were scared at first that things might not be the same, but when your lips connected it reignited the electrifying passion you had for each other. Your hands roamed up his back until you separated, both smiling and gasping for breath.

Steve had turned around, giving your tear filled reunion a little privacy. Bucky pressed another kiss on your forehead as he turned towards his friend with a sincere smile. Bucky walked towards Steve and hugged him, thanking him for this thoughtful reunion.

“I should go,” Steve said rubbing the back of his neck. “There’s a lot you two have to catch up on.”

You took a deep inhale of breath before asking Steve not to leave yet. You still hadn’t thought of the best way to tell Bucky about Avery.  _There’s someone who wants to meet you_ , no that’s too cliché.  _I have a gift for you too_ , ugh no!

“Bucky there’s something you need to know,” you settled on saying. It was vague yes, and probably not the best way to break the news but you really didn’t know how else to say it. You turned around and grabbed a small picture frame from an accent table and handed it to Bucky. You worriedly glanced at Steve as Bucky stared at a photo of you holding a baby in front of your snow covered house.

He was silent as he studied the photo. “You… have a kid?” he asked, his forehead creased with confusion. You stared at the floor to gain the confidence to respond, “ _We_  do.”

Bucky’s expression dropped. His lips pursed, cheeks sucked in tight as he carded his fingers through his hair. He took an aggressive step forward and Steve cautiously stepped in between.

“Bucky,” he said, trying to focus his friend’s bubbling emotions towards him.   
Bucky’s head turned sharply to look at Steve, “Did you know?” His raspy voice seethed as he waited for an answer.

Steve stared at him, his blue eyes conveying everything without words.   
Bucky scoffed, “You knew! You knew for how long Steve and you never told me!”   
“When you woke up you needed to focus on getting rid of the trigger words. I didn’t want to distract you from that. I made a choice.”  
“That wasn’t your call!” he snapped.

You felt more nauseous by the minute as Bucky was lashing out at Steve because of your daughter. “Look, if you don’t want to be part of her life you don’t have to, so you can leave now!” you yelled.

You felt the sting of tears burning their way up to your eyes. If he didn’t want to get to know his daughter that’s fine. You would rather her have an absent father than a resentful one.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said. “Y/N, I, I’m just upset.” Bucky held his head in his hands and wiped away a few tears. “I missed so much,” his voice cracked on his realization. “How old is she–what’s her name?” he interrupted his own question.

Your voice softened as you told him.   
“Avery,” he repeated softly. He looked at you with saddened eyes, the corners of his lips pulled down to a frown, “Can I see her?” he asked with desperation.

You extended your hand towards him and he smiled as your fingers intertwined. You led him up the stairs while Steve stayed in the living room, allowing you to be together for this emotional moment. You entered the dim bedroom save for the starry glow of the nightlight. Bucky stared at the sleeping infant, grinning at the image of a sheep adorned on her mint green pajamas smiling back at him.

He reached his hand out to touch Avery. When his fingers delicately brushed her cheeks he choked back a sob. You wrapped your arms around his waist and looked up at him. You both stood there in silence as Bucky watched his daughter sleeping, stirring occasionally but not disturbed by the presence in her room.

Backing out of the room quietly you went downstairs. “You alright pal?” Steve hesitantly asked gripping Bucky’s shoulder.   
Bucky hugged Steve, thanking him in a few words but they both understood just how much this meant to him.

“Thank you Steve,” you whispered as you hugged him as well.  
“You’re welcome. I hate to bring this up but I don’t know how long he can stay. I’ll call if there’s any trouble.”

After Steve left you and Bucky sat together on the couch with some distance between you, but as you began to explain what happened since you last saw each other Bucky found himself inching closer towards you. You didn’t go into too much detail about the harassment at work, not wanting to make him feel any worse. When you told him about the emergency c-section you felt his arms pull you into his chest, now realizing your close proximity.

“I’m so sorry you went through that alone.” He kissed the top of your head. “I don’t think I can thank you enough Y/N. For all you’ve done for our baby.” You broke down, crying softly as Bucky held you in his arms. The tears continued when you spoke about Steve returning the necklace.

“I couldn’t sell it. I wouldn’t. It reminded me of you and I couldn’t let that go.”  
“Bucky, I love you,” you admitted. “I know there’s a lot happening now and I don’t expect you to feel the same way but I needed to say it. I was going to tell you at the train station but I didn’t and I should have.” You looked into his eyes nervously but with conviction, “I love you James Buchanan Barnes.”

You waited anxiously for his response, knowing that dropping your feelings and baby on Bucky in a short span was a lot but you hoped this wouldn’t push him away.

Bucky leaned his head towards yours, “Y/N.” You looked up to see his smiling face, “I love you too. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think of you, and every time I did I thought about how much I regretted leaving you. But I’m here now and I’m not going to let you go again.”

He kissed you softly, drawing out every languid movement. Your whimpers dissolved on his lips as he laid back and pulled you on top of him, desperate to feel your touch against his body again. When the kiss broke you rested your head back on his chest and listened to the steady beats of his heart.  

Bucky stroked his hand through your hair as you closed your eyes, the corners of your lips were turned up, content under his touch. He suggested going to sleep after your repeated yawns became contagious.

“Um, should we, uh, I mean I can sleep here if it’s not a problem,” he nervously babbled.  
“No it’s not a problem, unless you want to stay here, but…” you took a deep breath, “I’d like if you came upstairs, if you want to,” you finished, looking up at him with anticipation.  
“I’d like that.”

He grabbed his bag which Steve left near the side door as you turned off the lights and quietly went up the staircase. 

Bucky lingered outside Avery’s door before entering your bedroom. The walls were a relaxing medium grey, your bed was adorned with a plush white comforter and grey accent pillows. The furniture looked antique, off-white and a little shabby but in good condition.

Bucky was unsure of where to put his things, he didn’t have much but he was still hesitant if he should unpack at all. You were just as uncertain. You awkwardly cleared away a space on top of a dresser for Bucky to lay things out if he wanted. Bucky excused himself to the bathroom and you rushed to change your clothes. You changed quickly into a cotton shirt and soft pajama pants, opting to leave your bra on. You weren’t sure why you felt embarrassed around him, especially considering the history you have. It shouldn’t feel weird but you can’t help it, there was a strange tension that lingered in the air that you hoped would pass with time.

You switched places, heading to the bathroom to brush your teeth as Bucky changed into a white ribbed tank top and black sweatpants. You watched him from the doorway as he was moving things around in his bag, noting the dull reflection of the bedside lamp coming off of his metal arm.

You walked up to him slowly and he turned around. Running your hands along his metal arm, you tried to see if it felt the same as you remembered. Bucky watched you intently as you studied his appendage. You fingertips traced the thin black outline of a silver star at the top of his arm, replacing the former red.

“It’s new,” he commented.  
“I can tell,” you chuckled. “It feels smoother.”  
You wrapped your arms around his waist, tilting your smiling face up towards Bucky, “I still can’t believe you’re here.”   
“Me too,” he murmured.

You both climbed into bed, Bucky laid on his back, sinking comfortably into the mattress on the side you frequently slept on. He opened his arms up, welcoming you to be near him. At first you awkwardly shimmied next to him but when you felt his arms squeeze you tight you let go of your worries, resting your head on his chest, remembering the familiar position. Your arm was draped over his stomach, feeling the need to hold on to him, fearing if you didn’t he would somehow be taken away from you.

Your phone dinged with the sound of an alert, you reached over to the nightstand to grab it and dismiss the notification. Bucky looked and saw the lock screen was a bright image of Avery’s face. He reached out to grab your phone for a better look at the image, smiling at the blue eyes his daughter inherited from him. He was bursting with joy, excited to meet her when she was awake.

“You’re welcome to look at my phone. It’s full of her, pictures and videos.”

You opened the photos app and scrolled to the first picture of Avery, the one Nurse Sumana took. Bucky studied it, seeing you in a dark blue scrub top with your hair tucked into a medical cap. He felt upset again as he noted the IV in your hand, and the curtain that blocked the procedure you had to endure alone, he wished he could have been there to support you through it. He zoomed in on Avery, wrapped in a white blanket against your chest. Her tiny face was scrunched up and with her mouth open, seemingly crying. It made him wonder what her voice sounded like.

He placed your phone back on the nightstand beside him and shut the light. He kissed you sweetly before wishing you a goodnight. You fell asleep quickly, comforted by the presence of Bucky’s warm body beside you once again.


	11. Chapter 11

You rolled over in your sleep shifting towards the side where Bucky should have been but found it was empty. Squinting at the alarm clock you saw only a few hours had passed. You shuffled out of bed, half asleep and walked towards Avery’s room. There he was, hunched over as he stood above her crib.

Bucky turned around when he heard you come in, extending his open arm towards your direction. You tucked yourself beside him, nuzzling your head onto his warm body.

“I couldn’t sleep so I figured I would watch her,” he whispered. “She’s beautiful… perfect, like an angel.”  
The corners of your lips curved up lazily at his words. “Wait until she’s up. She’s a little ball of energy.”

Bucky laughed quietly, looking down on his peaceful baby, he was anxious and excited to meet her when she was awake. Over the last few hours he pondered many things about her, but most of all he hoped she would like him.

“You should rest,” your tired voice said looking up at him.  
“I want to watch her a little longer. I’ll be there soon.” He leaned down to kiss your cheek before you went back to the bedroom.

You woke up a few hours later with your body curled in front of Bucky’s. Looking at the time you saw it was a little before 7am; your body had its own clock that adjusted to your schedule as you frequently found yourself waking up before the alarm. You got out of bed carefully not wanting to disturb Bucky, you hadn’t been awake when he came back to bed so you weren’t sure how much sleep he had.

Opening the drawers you pulled out a casual shirt and black leggings to change into, and combed your hair back with your fingers into a loose ponytail as you went downstairs. You started brewing a pot of coffee while preparing Avery’s breakfast, a bottle of formula and some oatmeal cereal. Heading upstairs again you were surprised to see Bucky standing in the bedroom doorway, rubbing his tired eyes.

“Get enough sleep?” you asked.  
He groaned and shook his head back and forth. “Is she up yet?” he asked in a yawn.  
“I’m about to wake her up. Coffee should be ready. I’ll meet you downstairs after I change her.”

Bucky kissed you on the forehead, zipping up a hoodie as he headed down the stairs. You entered Avery’s bedroom to begin her morning routine. First you turned the nightlight off and went to the dresser, pulling out a purple shirt with white polka dots and black cotton leggings, then you prepared what you needed to change her diaper.

You hear her fussing, anticipating her to wake up at any moment. For the first six months Avery was up every few hours, crying because she needed to be changed or fed. It was exhausting, especially doing it alone. Lately she’s been sleeping through the night fairly consistently and your exhausted self could not be more grateful for it.

Bucky looked through the cabinets until he found mugs, taking two out to pour a cup of coffee for you both. After a few minutes he heard your footsteps coming down the stairs. He perked up with excitement, almost dropping the mug as he placed it harshly on the counter.

You walked towards Bucky with Avery clinging to you. Bucky stared in awe, noticing the resemblance between mother and daughter even more in the daylight. Tears filled your eyes as Bucky stared at Avery, her curious smiling face was focused on him.

“Avery, this is Dada,” you said, choking on a sob as the words came out. “Can you say Dada?” you asked after clearing your throat.  
“H-hi Avery, I’m your… Dada,” his shaky voice repeated, smiling as he stared at her matching blue eyes.

Avery stared back with bright eyed wonder at this new person. She grinned at him, showing off her tiny teeth and Bucky dropped his head smiling.

“She likes you,” you commented, sniffling back your tear-induced runny nose.

With some hesitation Bucky leaned forward, gently pressing a kiss to the top of Avery’s head. As he pulled back you noticed the tears that pooled in his eyes.

“Do you want to hold her?”  
“I don’t want to hurt her,” he confessed, his lips pulled worriedly to the side as he raised his metal hand up.  
“You would never.”

Lifting Avery off your body you turned her towards Bucky, extending his arms out to grab her. His apprehensive face turned to fear as she began to cry before he grabbed her. You reassured him not to take it personally as Avery gets cranky when she’s hungry.

After securing Avery in her high-chair you grabbed the bottle of formula and gave it to Bucky, encouraging him to place it in front of her. “She’ll hold it but you might have to keep your hand there for a bit.”

Bucky felt her tiny fingers brush across his skin as she grabbed the bottle. You came over with the cereal and some cut up pieces of banana, placing both on the table in front of Avery. Bucky stared at the small spoon you handed him to feed her, scooping up a tiny bit of food that barely covered the orange silicone utensil.

Avery leaned forward opening her mouth and he happily brought the spoon up to her. He beamed with joy watching her eat, and cleaned her face when the cereal trickled down her chin. He stared in admiration watching her small fingers occasionally grasping pieces of banana and placing them in her mouth.

When Avery was done eating you cleaned her up a bit more and went to the living room with Bucky following behind. You placed Avery in front of a toy, encouraging Bucky to sit down next to her. He was nervous, watching her sitting up as she started to play but he found comfort as you squeezed his hand telling him not to worry. Bucky watched as Avery was babbling, she curiously pressed the buttons on her turtle toy, each one producing the sound of a different musical instrument.

You watched Bucky and Avery together, he eased into his interactions with her, pressing the buttons and finding more toys to play with. Some time passed and you excused yourself to make breakfast for you and Bucky, watching them together from the island as you scrambled some eggs. Bucky had gotten more comfortable with his daughter, unable to resist kissing her chubby cheeks. She was now sitting on his lap, leaning her back against him as he held out an interactive book in front of her.

As you placed bread in the toaster you heard Bucky encouraging Avery to press buttons on the book.

“The cow goes moo,” he said. “Can you say that? Mooooooo,” he repeated, exaggerating the sound, laughing at himself. Avery giggled in response.

Happy tears stung your eyes as you watched him with Avery. A year ago you were pregnant and alone, wondering if your baby would ever meet her father. When his picture flashed on your TV screen last May you were in shock. He was alive and that was good to know, but every report talked about his plot to bomb the U.N. You rubbed your swollen belly and spoke to Avery letting her know that her father isn’t what everyone thinks he is, that he was a good man that you hope she’ll be able to meet someday.

Bucky heard you sobs, “You okay Y/N?”  
“I’m great, just ruining our breakfast with my tears,” you laughed, wiping away the wetness from your cheeks.

The food cooked quickly and you set the plates down at the kitchen table, taking out a small yogurt for Avery’s mid-morning snack. Bucky fed her again in between taking bites of his own breakfast. He quickly became more confident with her. Avery had gotten bolder as well, becoming fascinated by Bucky’s silver arm now in full view after he removed his hoodie. She held his finger tightly in her small grip, wide-eyed as she touched the cool metal.

After eating Bucky carried Avery to the couch and you followed. He leaned back and helped Avery stand up, balancing her tiny feet on his thick thighs. She smiled and shifted her weight forward into Bucky’s chest. This close up gave him the opportunity to really study her features.

“Avery, you have your mom’s smile. You’re beautiful, just like she is,” he said. Tilting your head up and smiling you looked at Bucky, giving him a quick peck on the lips before he turned his attention back to Avery.

You decided to do a few errands around the house giving them some time to bond. When you were finished you walked towards Bucky with the intention of putting Avery down for a nap. Instead you saw him laying down holding Avery to his chest, both of them were asleep. You covered your mouth to stifle an audible sob, wishing you could take a picture of this sweet image but you knew better than to compromise everyone’s safety; there was no doubt this sight would be permanently etched in your mind.

You gently lifted Avery from Bucky’s grasp and put her upstairs in her crib. Bucky was still asleep on the couch, clearly he did not get enough rest the night before. Avery woke up from her nap before Bucky so you played with her upstairs so he wouldn’t be disturbed.

After waking up Bucky joined you upstairs, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he sat on the floor with you. He leaned forward extending his metal arm past Avery to grab a toy.

“Dada!” her small voice exclaimed. Simultaneously you and Bucky gasped, your mouths dropping open as you stared at her in astonishment.  
“That’s right Avery, this is Dada!” you replied, pointing to Bucky, as your eyes began to fill with tears.   
Avery stumbled forward towards Bucky and pointed to the star on his arm. “Dada!”  
“Good job Avery. I’m your Dada.” Bucky lifted her up and brought her closer to him, kissing all over her face.

You stood up to grab a tissue as your tears didn’t want to stop. Before sitting down again you stared at the wall, dumbfounded at the painting staring back at her.

“I can’t believe it. See this?” you gestured towards the wall art. Bucky looked up towards the artwork above Avery’s crib, your finger pointing towards the grey star.

“I got her this because it…reminded me of you,” you sighed. “Every day I would point it with her and say ‘Dada’, and now you’re here and she sees the star and…” you continued to sob a mix of happy and sad tears. Bucky stood up holding Avery and opened his other arm to embrace you, kissing the top of your head before kissing Avery once more. No one said anything, you didn’t have to.

After her second nap later that day you put Avery in her stroller to go for a walk outside. You insisted on keeping up with your semi-regular routine, for Avery’s sake and to keep up appearances. Your neighbors were lovely people but they could be incredible nosey, and the last thing you needed was someone coming over. Bucky impatiently waited for his girls to return. He paced around the house, did the dishes and finally settled on taking a quick shower to pass the time.

“Ever change a diaper?” you asked after coming back in the house. Bucky chuckled, replying that it’s been a while. You coached him through it, happy to see he was a fast learner. You’ve had your fill of dirty diapers so it was nice to be able to share the duty with him.

Just as Bucky finished the diaper change you turned your head towards him, tilting it with a matching mischievous smile, “Wanna laugh?” you asked. Bucky nodded curiously.

You lifted Avery’s shirt up a little, exposing her soft stomach. Placing your lips on her tummy you blew a raspberry, Avery’s legs kicked wildly as she burst into a fit of giggles. The corners of his eyes crinkled with delight as a wide smile was plastered on his face. You pulled back so he could enthusiastically take over. If only the world could see this, the dangerous “Winter Soldier”; the only harm he’s causing is making Avery’s face turn pink from laughing too hard. You wish they saw this, you wish everyone knew him as you did.

Bucky was especially helpful during Avery’s bath, distracting her with toys when she was moving around too much, and happily shielding the water from getting in her eyes as he rinsed off the shampoo. When it was time for Avery to go to sleep Bucky placed her in her crib, kissing her forehead and wishing her sweet dreams. You had to tug on his arm to get him to leave the room as you went downstairs to make dinner.

You rummaged through the fridge, unsure of what to make until you felt Bucky’s hand on your shoulder. Turning around to face him he pulled you into his chest for a tight hug. “This has been one of the greatest days of my life and I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve it.”  

“You deserve happiness Bucky, always,” you said before your lips met his in a loving kiss.

After dinner you took a shower while Bucky quietly watched Avery sleep. You knew he was desperate to make up for all of the lost time and so you couldn’t stop him. You sat on the bed wrapped in a towel, combing out the knots from your hair. You heard Bucky enter the room, turning your head to acknowledge him. He sat next to you, his fingertips lightly traced the outline of the scar on your back as goosebumps erupted over your skin.

You felt his breath on your skin, your cheeks flushed as you felt the familiar heat begin to radiate from your center. Nervously you got up, turning the ceiling fan on, opting to throw on a large t-shirt and pajama shorts before disrobing. Bucky laid back on the bed as you slowly got in next to him. He motioned for you to lie closer to him and so you did, resting your head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around you.

The tension in the room was thick as you silently held each other. You listened to the rapid beats of his heart, wrestling with the idea of saying something until you no longer had to decide.

“Y/N, I want to kiss you but I’m afraid if I do I won’t be able to stop,” he admitted.

Truthfully you felt the same but you were also anxious. You hadn’t been intimate with anyone since your last encounter with Bucky, and as much as you wanted to jump right into it (and on him) a lot has changed. You tilted up to look at him, your expressionless face offered him no sign to proceed.

“Would that be okay?” he asked, the tenderness in his voice eased your nerves.

You replied yes and Bucky turned to capture your lips with his. He let his hand run up and down your side as his tongue swept across your bottom lip slipping it inside, you whimpered as it caressed your own. You shifted yourself on top of him, moaning as you felt his arousal pressed against your aching core. Bucky grabbed the hem of your shirt lifting it up slightly before you broke the kiss apart, reaching your hands to stop him.

“Is everything okay? W-we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Bucky assured you.  
“I do… really,” you said, breathlessly. “I’m just nervous,” you admitted, offering a worried smile.

Your arms crossed against your stomach, holding yourself tightly. “My body is… it changed,” you sighed, moving off of him. “Scars and more stretch marks,” you said under your breath, looking ashamed.

Sitting up from the bed he moved to face you, taking your hands into his, “Y/N, I love you. I’m  _in_  love with you! I’m in love with the brave and caring person who believed there was goodness in me from the start.”

He leaned forward inching his forehead closer to yours. “You sacrificed so much, protected me from SHIELD, protected our daughter! You don’t have anything to be ashamed about. I love you and every scar you have.”

The tip of your nose grazed his cheek as you moved in slowly to kiss him. Bucky let you set the pace. Your hands went to the nape of his neck, pressing him closer to you, your tongues swirled together as you deepened the kiss. Bucky placed his hand on your side, gently touching your warm skin with his cool metal fingertips.

You got up from the bed and stood in front of him and with a deep inhale you pulled your shirt over your head. You watched Bucky gaze at your body; your breasts sat lower on your chest from the last time he saw them, your once defined stomach was now soft and covered in silvery streaks. Bucky gently grabbed your waist to pull you closer to him as he slowly kissed paths up and down your stomach.

He cupped your breasts, gently kneading them before he took a nipple into his warm mouth, circling it with his tongue before sucking softly. You moaned, arching your back as his hands swapped positions. You felt your release build almost immediately, holding the back of his head in place as his tongue flicked back and forth over the hardened nub, gently taking it between his teeth, your legs rubbed together for relief as the wetness soaked through your thin shorts.

Gently cupping his cheeks you leaned down to kiss him, moaning onto his lips as his hands gently grazed your thighs. Bucky grabbed the waistband of your shorts and slid them down. You pulled away from him, instinctively feeling insecure. Bucky looked into your eyes and your nervous calmed down. Wordlessly, he offered unconditional love; you could see it in the way he looked deep into you.

You kissed him again, encouraging him to continue. Bucky gazed at the lower half of your body, seeing the dimpled skin of your thighs and the pooch below your navel that no exercise seems to help flatten, and then he saw the long horizontal scar along your bikini line. Kissing along the thin mark he whispered, “You’re beautiful.”

He slid his fingers up and down your soaked folds, spreading your wetness to your aching clit causing your breath to catch in your throat. He teased your entrance with his metal fingers before slowly pushing in, his thumb continued to rub your pulsing bundle of nerves. You widened your stance, biting your lip, as he fucked you with his fingers, feeling the coil in your stomach winding with tension, ready to snap again.

Bucky kneaded your breast with his free hand, pinching your nipple as your pussy pulsed around his fingers. “I missed watching you fall apart like this,” he groaned, sucking a wet kiss onto your stomach as your legs trembled through your orgasm. Your chest was heaving as you dropped your head on top of his, slowing your breaths as you came down.

Bucky sucked his fingers into his mouth, moaning at the satisfying taste of your arousal. He had often dreamed about you, trying to relieve your memories together, remembering your scent, your taste and the way you felt around his cock. He licked lips and touched the straining erection that tented up through his pants.

You sunk to your knees before him, teasing his clothed cock with your hands. Bucky moaned and stood up working quickly to free himself of his pants. As his cock sprung up you unconsciously licked your lips. Wrapping your fingers around the base of his thick cock you stroked him a few times before running your tongue up and down his shaft.

You brought your lips up to his pink tip pressing a wet kiss to it, looking up at Bucky to see his eyes fluttering back before your tongue swirled around the sensitive head and you took him fully into your mouth. His hips thrusted up as you hollowed your cheeks around him, humming as you bobbed up and down.

You cradled his balls in your hand and Bucky moaned desperately, grabbing the back of your head and quickly pulling you off him. He cupped your face, kissing you feverishly as he laid you down on the bed.

He dove in between your thighs, you laughed through a moan at the tickle of his scruff. Bucky flattened his tongue, licking upwards but stopping before your clit. After a few passes of his tongue, now generously coated in your wetness, he slowly circled your clit as you choked on a moan. His lips suctioned around it, and you began to fall apart, your thighs shaking around his head.

You grabbed the back of his head as he continued to suck, lick and hum on your clit, your body was writhing around in ecstasy beneath him. He stretched his hands upwards to you and intertwined his fingers with yours, his face buried in your pussy as your orgasm washed over in waves. He slowed his motions riding it out with you, his chin now dripping with your arousal. Bucky kissed his way up your body, licking a long stripe from your stomach to your breast as his sucked on your nipple

He continued kissing up to your neck, remembering the sweet spot that always made you squirm with pleasure, until he reached your lips for a spent kiss. Looking into each other’s lust blown eyes you smiled as you stopped to catch your breath.

You reached your arm down to line Bucky up with you but he pulled away. Clearing his throat before nervously speaking, “Wait, should we use something? Do you have a condom?”

You went back on birth control after Steve’s visit, in anticipation of his promise to bring Bucky home. You never knew when he would make good on that but (actually remembering) to take that pill every morning gave you hope.

Bucky’s worried expression turned to a relieved smile. He guided himself to your dripping entrance, his eyes meeting your gaze before he pushed his swollen head in gently, slowly inching in. You bit your lip but it didn’t help curb the lewd moans from escaping.

You felt dizzy with ecstasy, feeling so full with him completely sheathed inside of you. Bucky’s head dropped to your neck as he let out small whimpers of his own pleasure, with your soaked walls stretched around him it took every ounce of strength for Bucky to not immediately cum.

“You feel so good,” he cried.

He kissed you once more and began to slowly thrust, picking up speed as your rhythms matched. Your nails dug into his broad muscular back, moaning his name breathlessly as he brought you closer and closer to the edge. Shifting your hips, your legs lifted up slightly and Bucky hit a deeper angle. The friction of your bodies together was so pleasurable it was almost agonizing. Bucky threw his head back at the sensation, as his hips continue to slam in and out of you.

Each thrust of his hips caused your moans to crescendo, his groans matching in equal measure. He threw your leg up around his body as he continued to fuck you, his metal arm now grabbing holding you beside your breasts. You grabbed his arm, pulling him towards you bringing your lips together; your moans muffled through your actions

You moaned Bucky’s name as your toes began to curl from your impending orgasm, he growled as your pussy contracted around his cock setting off his own orgasm.

“Oh Bucky ‘m gonna…” you panted  
“Mmm cum with me,” he grunted, pressing his forehead against yours.

The symphony of moans filled the room as you rode out the waves of pleasure together. With a few erratic snaps of his hips Bucky emptied himself inside of you, collapsing onto your shoulder.

You were still for a few moments, your sweat glistened bodies heaved as you both tried to catch your breath. Bucky’s arms snaked around you, pulling your still trembling body closer to him. You settled on the bed facing each other, arms and legs tangled together. Bucky kissed your forehead and you hummed, grazing your nose up to him until your lips met again in a slow and sensual kiss.

Bucky closed his eyes, a soft smile settled on his face as he slowed his breaths, feeling completely at ease for the first time since your time in Belgrade. With you he felt safe, feeling like he could let himself relax in a way he could only do with someone he trusted completely, someone he loved wholeheartedly.

“I love you Y/N,” he murmured before succumbing to sleep.

* * *

Over the next few days Bucky had fit seamlessly into your routine. You had to resume work during part of the day and Bucky relished the time he got to spend with his daughter, loving every moment no matter how small. He often wondered how lucky he was to be here, never thinking the chance at a domestic life was possible; not after Hydra, not until he met you.

You made him feel like there was a place for him in the world again, like he belonged. He kept you with him while he was on the run, clutching your necklace on the days he felt alone, wearing it at night to keep you close to his heart. You were his reason to keep going. Now he had two reasons.

You and Bucky were upstairs with Avery, listening to a playlist of nursery songs and singing along to them. She was a little cranky and it wasn’t until the smell hit your noses you understood why. Bucky offered to change her while you prepared her afternoon snack. Kissing him first you practically bounced down the stairs, carefree at the notion of you and Bucky working together as parents for Avery.

Turning the corner you stood frozen in shock at the sight before your eyes. A crimson and gold metal suit stood guard by the side door, while a man with dark hair in a sharp black suit casually rummaged through the pantry. The man stopped when he felt your presence and turned around.

“Mr. Stark?”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for reading this. I started writing this almost a year ago, putting it aside halfway to write "Stripped", so it's weird to have this end. It's been my own baby. :)

“Where do you keep the coffee? The real stuff. I only see decaf.”  You stood in stunned silence, not responding to his question. “You know what, never mind, I don’t have time,” he continued closing the doors.

Your head tilted in confusion, having never observed Tony Stark’s quick banter in person before. The sound of your heart was beating like steady drum, pounding in your ears. You cleared your throat, replying softly so you didn’t alert Bucky to the intruder, hoping you could get rid of him on your own, “Why are you in my house?”

“Surveillance is a great thing… comes in handy, especially when you’re looking for someone,” he said, slowly looking around the kitchen, searching for clues he believed might reveal themselves to him.

Your neutral expression stared directly back at Tony Stark’s smirk. “There’s a man, a dangerous one… and my intelligence tells me he was spotted near here. Have you seen anything?”

“The only dangerous man I see is the one who broke into my house, so take your metal suit and get out now,” you spat.

Tony leaned forward and keenly stared into your eyes, looking for any signs of falter in your resolve. Before he was given the chance Bucky’s heavy footsteps were heard coming down the steps as he cradled Avery in his arms.

“Y/N, I changed her but she was a mess. I think we need to give her a b-.”

Bucky stopped speaking as he recognized the familiar figure he least expected to see, the smile wiped clean from his face. Tony’s jaw clenched at the sight of Bucky. He walked around the island towards his suit prompting you to take a step back in front of Bucky, using your much smaller frame as a shield, instinctively putting your arms out to protect him and Avery.

“Get out of the way lady.”  
“No! Listen, my name is Y/N Y/L/N,” you said sternly. “And I’m a former agent of SHIELD.” You took shallow breaths while carefully watching Tony’s movements.

He turned towards his suit and spoke, “F.R.I.D.A.Y.”

A quick moment later the sound of an Irish female replied, “Confirmed. Agent Y/N Y/L/N. SHIELD Level 3, years active 2012 to 2015, last known mission documented encountering James Buchanan Barnes, aka The Winter Soldier, fugitive of the United States.”

“That monster needs to pay for what he’s done,” Tony hissed.  
“He’s not a monster!” you screamed, the booming volume of your voice caused Avery to cry.

Bucky looked down at his little girl, so small in his muscular arms. He gently shushed her, kissing her forehead with reassuring words of his love for her, struggling through a smile to tell her that everything would be okay.

Your head shook in protest, disagreeing with the choice he was about to make as he passed Avery into your arms. Tony watched silently as Bucky caressed Avery’s cheek and pressed his lips to your forehead, whispering, “I love you   
Y/N. No matter what happens I’ll always love you.”

He took a step closer to Tony whose icy stare burned through Bucky. “Tony, whatever it is you want just don’t do it here. Please, not in front of my family,” Bucky said, his voice unsteady with acceptance of his fate.

“Your family!?” he scoffed. “You don’t have the right to talk to  _me_  about family!” he fumed, nostrils flaring with each breath.

Tony touched his watch and suddenly the Iron Man suit opened in a way that allowed him to walk backwards into it. The metal shifted and covered his body, leaving only the face mask open.

An influx of tears streamed down your face as you cried, “Tony stop!”

You took a step forward in front of Bucky again, despite his insistence of keeping both of you back. “I know what happened with your parents.” Tony’s head snapped to face you. “And I’m sorry,” you sighed. “You have to know that wasn’t really him.”

“That doesn’t change what happened,” he hissed.  
“He was victim too. I’m sorry if it’s not the answer you want. I know it’s easier to just blame him but you can’t!”

Tony stared at you, his jaw was still clenched with tension, watching as you shifted the child cradled in your arms for a better grip. “If you take him from us, from  _her_ , it won’t bring them back. Another family will be destroyed and I don’t think you want that,” you said with a heavy sigh.

Your eyebrows were tightly knit with worry, your bottom lip quivered as you studied Tony’s face. You could see the bags under his tired eyes, the grey streaks coming through his otherwise dark hair and the tears that sat on the brim of his eyes that he desperately held back.

Tony turned away to lean on the island and groaned in frustration. “I hate it when other people are right,” he muttered under his breath. Bucky’s eyebrows rose up at Tony’s comment. “Only I’m supposed to be right…” he continued to himself.

“Barnes,” Tony gritted through his teeth, “You don’t deserve my compassion… but they do.” Tony looked at you and nodded. With those words he left through the side door, flying away with a big swoosh as Rocco barked incessantly.

Letting out the breath you were holding in you turned towards Bucky. You shifted Avery more securely in your arms and went to reach for Bucky’s hand but he pulled away under your touch.

“He’s right. Everything he said, I’m a monster and I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you or Avery,” he spoke, the strain in his voice made it hard for him to speak without sobbing. You could see the tears escaping from his eyes that were shut tight.

“Hey look at me.” He shrugged his face to the side. “James!” you cried out.

He opened his tear filled eyes and watched as your hand was stretching upward to cup his cheek, your thumb wiped his tears away. “I love you. All of you, including your past. I love you, Avery loves you and we want you in our lives.”

The corners of Bucky’s lips slowly pulled up into a smile. He wrapped his arms around you, kissing the top of your head before taking Avery in his arms. He held her in front of him and grinned as she flashed her growing smile, Bucky planted a loud kiss on her cheek in response. You held his waist, tilting your head up to look at him. His heart fluttered knowing that the two most important girls in his life loved him unconditionally.

* * *

A month had passed since Tony’s visit. Bucky had immediately contacted Steve to let him know what happened. Unbeknownst to you and Bucky, this prompted Steve to reach out to Tony to discuss their previous disagreements; it was the beginning of the road to repairing their friendship.

Bucky had been feeling anxious since Tony’s departure. He didn’t fully trust him and many nights when you and Avery were sound asleep he paced through the hallway, guarding you from the danger he anticipated.

Being stuck in the house did not help his state of mind. He was still a fugitive, The Winter Soldier was responsible for many things, and so he had to stay hidden. He couldn’t join you on your strolls with Avery, even though he wanted nothing more than to see the glow of sunset on his daughter’s face. He stayed inside when you went grocery shopping, wishing he could be there to help you pick the ripest fruits or choose the best deal for paper towels. However mundane he just wanted to be out there, back in the world with you.

He often wondered if you should all leave Brooklyn for somewhere else, some place quiet and isolated, surrounded by the trees where you’d have the space to spread out and be free. He couldn’t do that though, not anymore. He had been running since the fall of Hydra within SHIELD, he was used to it and the danger that it brought, but he would never put you and Avery at risk and so he stayed.

You woke up one night and found him in the hallway sitting outside of Avery’s door, his eyes were shut as he leaned against the wall though he wasn’t asleep.

Lowering yourself to the floor you took notice of his exhausted face, “Bucky, come to bed. You don’t have to do this,” you pleaded.

  
“What if he comes back? What if they come for you?” he sputtered, his fingers rubbed his face in a circular pattern in an attempt to stay awake.  
“Tony’s not coming back. We’re safe here.”  
“We’re stuck here!” he snapped, causing you to pull back. “I’m sorry…” he softly apologized.

Your arms snaked around his shoulders, pulling him towards you, “No, I’m sorry Bucky. I didn’t think about you having to stay in here all day. My house is small and cramped and…”

“No Y/N it’s not that, I mean it is a little, but I want to go outside with you and Avery. I want to take her to the park and…” He sighed deeply. “She deserves a real father. I know that can’t give her that. I can’t give her a normal life,” he resigned, pulling his lips into a tight lipped smile.

“Do you love her?” He nodded furiously. “That’s all you need to do Bucky, that’s all it takes to be her father. I don’t know what the future is going to bring but as long as that little girl has your love that’s all that matters.”

You kissed him softly, begging him to follow you back into bed and he did. Bucky curled in front of you, pressing his back to your chest, the gesture of a large man who felt so small in this moment, needing comfort that you happily provided. You combed your fingers gently through his hair and kissed his shoulder blade before curling your arm over him, bringing him closer to your warm body.

Your bond with Bucky strengthened after that night. You continued to learn about each other and making your relationship grow within the confines of your circumstances.

A few more weeks passed and everything continued to be quiet until one morning after breakfast your doorbell rang. Bucky’s heart began to race with panic, wondering who he might have to fight to protect his family. Looking through the window you saw it was Tony. Bucky passed Avery on the floor as she was playing, quickly joining your side as you opened the door.

“You didn’t break in this time,” you joked as Tony walked inside, ignoring Bucky’s wary gaze.

“No, but speaking of, your security system could use an upgrade,” he said, smirking. You rolled your eyes,  _no shit_ , you thought to yourself, laughing.

Tony handed you a manila envelope, waiting as you skimmed through the documents inside. Your eyes darted back and forth as you reread the paragraphs to make sure your mind wasn’t playing tricks on you.

“Tony is this real? Bucky’s cleared of everything?” you said, handing the papers to Bucky. He read the words himself and was stunned in silence.

“It took a team of  _expensive_  lawyers but I made them work for their money. Convincing the Supreme Court that charging Barnes for those crimes,  _you know_ , the world’s longest held prisoner of war, doesn’t look good. It’s all about PR these days,” he flashed a cocky smile.

Your mouth dropped open, still in shock as you looked back and forth between both men.

“He will have to make a statement, meet with a lot of folks in Washington, yadda yadda. The media will probably have a battle royale for the first interview, if he chooses to do one, but according to the US government Barnes is a free man.”

Your hands went to your face, brushing away the tears that flooded your eyes, “I-I don’t know how to thank you…” you began, but Tony raised his hand up to stop you, “Here are my conditions.”

You and Bucky looked at each other nervously.

Tony nudged his chin towards Avery. “This kid owes me… big time,” he smirked. “She better be crafty. I’m talking construction paper cards, handprint hearts, lots of glitter.”

“Tony she’s not even a year old yet,” you chuckled, looking over at Avery.

“That brings me to my next point. The team is getting back together but they could use a good ice breaker… like a maybe a first birthday party?”  
“We’ll have to talk about that but thank you, really thank you Tony. This means so much to us.” You hesitantly opened your arms to hug him, squeezing tightly as you conveying your gratitude in the embrace. You gave him an awkward smile and stepped back towards Avery.

Tony turned around to face the window, crossing his arms as he looked through the mostly closed blinds. Bucky walked beside him and cleared his throat.  
Tony glanced over his shoulder. “Barnes, I’ll never forget what you did but,” he took a deep inhale, “I forgive you.”

Bucky’s tight smile relaxed as a wave of relief washed over him. “Thank you Tony, for everything you’ve done for us.”

Bucky extended his hand and Tony took it with a firm shake.

After Tony’s departure you and Bucky embraced each other in a tight hug, with tears of joy flowing freely from both of you. You held his face in your hands as you kissed him, pouring every ounce of the love you have for him into it.

You were interrupted by Avery melodically babbling as she fiddled with different buttons on her play table. You both sat beside her, watching her developing mind figure out a puzzle. Avery turned towards you, “Mama!” she squeaked. She took a step forward before tumbling into your lap. Bucky helped her stand up, holding her hands for balance.

“Dada!” she said, bursting with enthusiasm.

You smiled at your beautiful daughter and pulled her in for a kiss, each of you taking a chubby cheek. You rested your head on Bucky’s shoulder unable to contain your smile as Avery’s eyes crinkled with laughter. Bucky pulled you into his lap, his arms wrapped tenderly around your waist as you held Avery in front of you.

You never imagined this as your future, thinking you would never shake the empty feeling you held on to for so long but Bucky changed that, he was the missing piece in your heart.

Bucky sighed heavily still coming to terms with reality. He was a damaged man, ripped from the life he once knew, abused and manipulated until he finally broke free. He never expected a chance at happiness again, the chance for a real life, but you gave him that and so did Avery.

You were destined to come together, two broken people, two broken pieces that found each other, making yourselves whole again.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a rewritten version of this story that I previously had with an OC. I thought reader insert would be better so I reworked it.


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